I am a huge fan of your column and love the way you solve the problems of teenagers. I am a 19- year-old guy studying in one of the prestigious government medical colleges of the city.
Should I give her a second chance?
Salaam Guru,
I am a huge fan of your column and love the way you solve the problems of teenagers. I am a 19- year-old guy studying in one of the prestigious government medical colleges of the city. I was in a relationship for three years with a beautiful girl who lives next to my house. I was sincere with her but she cheated on me. I was deeply hurt and we naturally broke up. Despite being neighbours, we did not see each other for one year.
Now the problem is that she has got admission in the same medical college where I am studying and she is my junior. A few days back she came to me and said that she had realized her mistake and apologized for her past behavior. Basically, she wants to patch up with me but Guru, now it’s difficult for me to reconcile. The ‘post-breakup period’ was very difficult for me. I worked very hard to regain my strength and to get admission in medical college and to focus on my studies. Though I have told her that I do not want any sort of relationship, I still want her to come back. She claims that she loves me but I am confused whether to trust her again or not. Since that day my peace of mind has gone and I have started thinking about her again. Should I give her a second chance or not? What’s your take on this?
Confused Guy
Dear Confused Guy,
You must have heard the saying ‘once bitten, twice shy’, which means ‘you are frightened to do something again because you had an unpleasant experience doing it the first time.’ The girl has already hurt you and it actually took you a year to resume your normal life. Dear, it is not easy to get admission in a medical college and you really have to study hard in order to achieve your goal. This girl is bad news. She has come again to divert your attention and you may eventually lose interest in your studies. She is pretty and young and her parents wouldn’t have any difficulty in finding her a suitor. But what about you? You are a boy and you have to make your future. So, focus fully on your studies rather than her. Since she is your first love, you are leaning towards her again. But here you have to control your emotions. It’s good that you have frankly told her about your views. Now stick to your decision and think from your head, not from your heart. Good luck!
He has left me six times
Dear Guru,
I am a 17-year-old girl and I have recently taken my first year exams. This is the second time I am writing to you. When I was 14, I fell in love with a wrong guy. We were in relationship for two years and during that time he broke up with me six times. It hurt me badly. But then after every break up, he came back to me and I forgave him each time as I did not have the heart to let him go away from me. But when he left me for the sixth time, I decided that it was time to say goodbye to him. It was very painful for me to move on but I succeeded eventually.
However, the past two years have been very disturbing. I have gone through constant crying, agony and sadness. Recently he messaged me again but I didn’t reply. But I have again started feeling sad. I feel I am mentally sick. I suffer from mood swings. I am afraid of crowd. I feel relaxed in isolation. I am unable to concentrate on my studies. There are people in my life who love me - my family, my friends - but I guess I don’t even appreciate their love. My parents say that there is nothing wrong with me. Guru, I am tired of being sad all the time. I don’t feel good about my future. I want to live a happy life. Please help me.
Sad Girl
Dear Sad Girl,
Your parents are right; there is nothing wrong with you. You are a normal, healthy girl. All you need to do is to get out of ‘self pity’. The guy was not worth your attention and he just took advantage of your weakness as he knew you would never leave him. Thank God that you eventually gathered some courage and left him. Now, you have to concentrate on your studies. You are too young to feel depressed all the time. You are fortunate that you have a loving family who care about you. Count your blessings and come out of your shell. Try to forget about that guy. Your self-created miseries will go away once you start looking at things from a positive angle.
Good luck!
