I am an 18-year-old girl. I am studying in a renowned women’s college. I belong to a middle class family. We are five siblings – three brothers and two sisters. I am the youngest in the family. My elder sister got married last year.
My big brother is a terror
Dear Guru,
I am an 18-year-old girl. I am studying in a renowned women’s college. I belong to a middle class family. We are five siblings – three brothers and two sisters. I am the youngest in the family. My elder sister got married last year. My eldest brother works in an advertising agency whereas my other two brothers are studying in university. My parents are very loving and affectionate. My father is a retired government officer while my mother is a housewife. There is, as such, no major problem in my life except for one – my big brother who is a real terror. Yes, he is very moody and short tempered and even my parents are afraid of him. He holds an authoritative position in the house and is a real chauvinist. He is quite a handsome guy and has many girl friends. He goes to parties and usually comes home late night. But he is very strict with me. I am not allowed to talk to boys and if I have to go somewhere with my friends I have to take his permission. Guru, do you think it is fair? I am so frustrated now. There is no point talking to my parents as he earns well and they don’t want to offend their son as he brings home money. My mother says that she cannot run the house in my father’s pension without his support. So, in a way, my parents are also helpless. Tell me what I should do.
Disgruntled Sister
Dear Disgruntled Sister,
Usually, the eldest child is the ‘darling’ of the family. More often the parents spoil the child so much that he/she becomes a brat and you cannot really blame the child for becoming one. Actually, the fault lies with most parents (with due apologies) who create such monsters. Your brother is one such example. Now, it’s very difficult for your parents to mend his ways as he is an adult and the training age is gone, too. Now, the best you can do is to be patient. Just focus on your studies and avoid confronting your big brother. I know he is being a hypocrite by not giving you the kind of freedom that he enjoys himself but don’t forget that your brother is a product of our sick society where most people carry double standards. So take the things in your stride. Try to find a job after your graduation. Once you are financially independent, it will be lot easier for you to make your own decisions. Good luck
A little white lie
Salaam Guru,
I am a big fan of yours and I read your column every week with great interest. I am 23 years old. I am engaged and am going to be married next year. My fiancé is highly educated and he is settled in Dubai. He really likes me but the problem is that he likes educated girls and he thinks that I am a graduate whereas I am only F.A. I did intermediate in 2010. Actually, Guru, I am not good at studies. I really work hard but somehow I never get good grades. I have been trying to clear my B.A papers since five years as a private candidate from Karachi University but every year I flunk in one paper or the other. I don’t know what to do. If my fiancé finds out that I lied to him regarding my educational qualification, he will really get mad at me. I don’t want to lose him just because of one little lie. He is a perfect match for me but this thing is disturbing me. Do you think I should confess to him? I am so upset.
Troubled Z
Dear Troubled Z,
Trust is very important in a relationship, but I think without honesty you cannot gain one’s trust. Actually, you trust someone based on what you know, but what you know can be false. Many people are in relationships where they trust each other, but one of them isn’t ‘keeping it real’. Do you think it is right? You lied to your fiancé about a very important thing. I think you should not have pretended to be a graduate in the first place. According to you, it’s a little lie, but I think it’s cheating. You don’t hide facts from the person whom you are going to start a new phase of your life with. I advise you to muster some courage and come clean. Take your fiancé in confidence and accept your fault. If he is really an open minded guy then he will forgive you and will respect you for being honest. In that case you will be relieved and can have a peaceful life with him. But, God forbid, if he breaks the engagement, then don’t feel dejected. It will be a sign from God that the guy was never meant to be yours. Good luck!
