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By you desk
Tue, 02, 21

Should I come clean and tell him or should I obey my mother?

Dear Professor Nadine,

I am a 27-year-old working woman. I started working while I was doing my last semester as my father had a stroke and became bedridden. We needed money for his treatment and also to run the house, pay the bills and tuition fees of my younger siblings and myself. My father’s boss offered me his place and I started working. My boss was kind enough to allow me to attend my classes till 2 o’ clock and then come to work. I did not abuse this kindness and worked hard, often staying in office till 8 PM.

I have a very high regard for my boss, he is a true gentleman. Unfortunately, he developed a heart condition and decided to make his son the CEO. My boss told me that his son would not change the existing arrangement and I would be able to continue with my studies. In the beginning, I was afraid but very soon realised my routine would not be affected. Unfortunately, I was betrayed by my new boss. Once, while I was working late and the staff had left, he raped me. I was devastated and decided to leave the job. I went to my boss and told him what had happened and he was also very upset, but had already given away his power to his son. He gave me enough money to run the house till I found a new job and asked me to forgive him. To cut a long story short, I managed to move on and few months back got married. My mother told me not to say anything to my husband about my rape but I feel uneasy as he loves me a lot and trusts me. He told me he had a couple of affairs before we got married and assured me he would always be loyal to me. Should I come clean and tell him or should I obey my mother?

Confused Libra

Dear Confused Libra,

This is a moral question. I think your mother wants you to remain quiet as men in our society usually are very narrow-minded about this issue. Then again, you are totally innocent and a victim of your circumstances. Men tell their wives about their past affairs and don’t have to face the music, but when women do it things become bad for them mostly. I don’t know what type of a person your husband is. It is possible he will sympathise, but it’s equally possible that it would destroy your relationship. Since you did not do anything wrong, you don’t need to set yourself up for judgement. What happened in your past life, and that too against your will, is not anyone else’s business. If you feel morally bound to tell your husband, be prepared for the repercussions.