It is not only about Mental Intelligence (IQ)

By FD.Sheikh
Fri, 02, 21

We hardly talk or listen about something called, ‘emotional intelligence’ and therefore we are not so precisely aware of the significance of this particular phenomenon....


The other day while going to office, I came across a term on radio that instantly drew my attention and made me pen down this piece of writing – emotional intelligence. We all frequently talk about and discuss mental intelligence. Parents proudly boast about the intelligence of their kids when they score excellent grades in their studies. We ourselves, in fact our entire society, deem it significant that one should have an intelligent mind or high IQ level in order to achieve good position or become a ‘bara admi’ in society. We hardly talk or listen about something called, ‘emotional intelligence’ and therefore we are not so precisely aware of the significance of this particular phenomenon.

Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient (EQ), in easy words, means how smartly you manage your feelings in day-to-day life. How you manage to say your say effectively, resolve matters of conflicts, overcome moments of pressure and respond to events that test your anger or how you behave in sadness or joy and how aptly you control and manage your emotions or feelings that gravely impact the steps you take in these moments shows your emotional intelligence. By connecting to your feelings and then impacting your mind, emotions turn your intentions into actions. Resultantly, these actions determine your fate and produce outcomes for you.

It is worth mentioning that it is not the smartest or academically most intelligent person who is more successful in life but it is the one who, regardless of their IQ, is better at managing EQ i.e. emotions or feelings. A person with high a IQ may have high probability of getting selected in college or university or any office first but practically the one who is able to manage his/her EQ (emotions) well, is more successful. For instance, if you are not good at managing pressure in exams, or stress of job, or managing emotions when being in conflict with someone in office, at home, among friends or with spouse; you are not going to become a high achiever or lead a well-balanced life. Your degree may get you a job in an office but it is how you communicate and behave that leads and paves your way to the road to success. And it goes without saying that communication and behaviour are significantly influenced by your emotions or feelings. Emotions are the driving force behind everything you do.

Now the question that instantly pops up in mind is how can one manage and improve one’s EQ or emotions? Is it actually possible or not! The answer is, yes. It is possible. In fact, by working on and managing our emotions well, we can certainly improve our performance and maintain a well-balanced life that promises a healthy and successful living. We just have to be more conscious and focused.

Handling and improving emotional intelligence

As stated above, it is imperative to control emotions, specially during times of stress, pressures, anger, exams, interviews, sadness and even in joy as well. Nevertheless, not everyone is aware of the trick to manage emotions or feelings when they are emotional. Let’s dig it together.

Experts are of the view that there are four significant skills or attributes that ought to be learnt that assist you in managing and improving emotions. They include, self or stress-management, self-awareness, social awareness and relationship management.

Stress and self-management

Think about the time when due to some reason you were stressed or extremely pressurized or angry. Did you utter something in angst? When emotional or angry, we all have probably committed, uttered or decided something that we have regretted afterwards. It happens. Your ability to make rational decisions is compromised in these circumstances. Here, all you need to know and practice again and again is to keep your emotions in control. Unleashing your emotions result in the increase of stress. You ought to understand and construct the capability and capacity to understand and command your own emotions. And once you are good at controlling your emotions well, you’ll discover that your ability for experiencing positive emotions has grown and intensified, which will ultimately result in lessened stress level. But all this is possible when you know how your emotions and brain work together. Your brain instantly responds to impulsive feeling(s) and that is why a little feeling of undue stress/ emotional-fall gravely impacts your process of thinking and makes you unduly depressed/stressed/pressurized. So in these moments of time, you just need to support yourself saying that you are strong enough to bear this adversity. And if you are a Muslim, the Quran says, “Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear” (Al-Quran 2:286), is a spiritual way to banish any feeling of stress at once. I mean it – any feeling of stress. This is all about your faith in Almighty Allah. The stronger your faith is, the higher is the capability of controlling your emotions.

Psychologists assert that the best way to reduce stress quickly is by taking a deep breath and using your senses — what you see, hear, smell, taste and touch, or through a soothing movement. However, it is to be kept in mind that not everyone responds to the same source of stress reducer. You might have experienced that when you are emotionally down or sad, viewing a favourite photo, smelling a specific fragrance, exercise, listening to your favorite music, or hugging a pet works wonders. This is how your senses help. These are your sources of stress/anxiety reducers.


The other skill that ought to be learnt is self-awareness. This is the ability to recognize your own emotions, and how they affect your thoughts and behaviour. Observe yourself. When you are stressed or experiencing the imbalanced emotional state, observe how you react! Are you the one who starts shouting? Or the one who prefers staying alone? Or the one who simply keeps quiet? Promise yourself that the next time when you are going through such phase, you’ll opt for any of the aforementioned stress reducers. And this is not the end; you will keep practicing the same until you get firm stronghold over your emotions. Be mindful of the fact that it is an easy game that just needs continuous practice and focus. All you have to do is talk to yourself when you are stressed.

Social awareness

It is not always only about you. Where you are concerned about your emotions and feelings, at the same time, you ought to keep in mind that the other person is also a human being with feelings and emotions. Put yourself in their shoes and try to understand their state of mind as well, and margin to others for their emotions and feelings in the same way you expect for yourself at least, or may be a bit more. You should be aware and understanding about the emotions of others as well because others may play a key role in instigating your emotional state.

Relationship management

Lastly, it is not enough to understand and practice the aforementioned points, but you should also keep them in mind and practice the same on a regular basis. This will, resultantly, build your habit and nurture positive emotions in you and help you build a good relationship with others. Good relationship with others multiplies your capacity of having and spreading positivity in the society that ultimately benefits yourself.

Having well controlled emotions will result in well controlled thoughts in your mind, which will ultimately help you to maintain a positive frame of mind and will enhance your confidence as well. Once you are able to do it, you will also be able to control your impulsive feelings as well. By being positive and controlling your impulsiveness, you will become an emotionally stronger person. You will become a positive person and will have a balanced and successful living.

To sum up, it is not only mental intelligence that gives you the edge – emotional intelligence can give you a successful and fruitful life, full of happiness and positivity.

Uses of emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence can be used in many different ways in your daily life. Some different ways to practice emotional intelligence include:

  • Being able to accept criticism and responsibility
  • Being able to move on after making a mistake
  • Being able to say no when you need to
  • Being able to share your feelings with others
  • Being able to solve problems in ways that work for everyone
  • Having empathy for other people
  • Having great listening skills
  • Knowing why you do the things you do
  • Not being judgmental of others

Research suggests that:

  • People with high emotional intelligence may actually be less creative and innovative.
  • Highly emotionally intelligent people may have a hard time delivering negative feedback for fear of hurting other people’s feelings.
  • High EQ can sometimes be used for manipulative and deceptive purposes.