I am a 27-year-old guy based in Karachi. I have done CA. I have been working for a renowned firm for quite
My fiancee is not my type
Salaam Guru,
I am a 27-year-old guy based in Karachi. I have done CA. I have been working for a renowned firm for quite some time now and recently I have been offered a very lucrative job by a multi-national in Middle East. I belong to a well-to-do family. Both my parents are doctors. Guru, my problem is my very beautiful fiancee, B. My parents got me engaged to their old family friend’s daughter last year. B is 22 years old and is a graduate. Her parents are awfully rich. And being the only daughter and sister of three brothers she has been raised like a princess and is thoroughly spoiled. When it was suggested that I should get engaged to her, I couldn’t refuse as I was smitten by her beauty and charm. Now my parents want me to get married before I go abroad and take my pretty wife along.
Well, it sounds simple but Guru, the past year has been very torturous for me. In the beginning I was very happy to be with her, but then only after two months I realized that she wasn’t my type. She is a narcissist and quite arrogant. She likes to buy only expensive brands and eats at high end restaurants. I know it’s normal for her as she is used to this lifestyle. But Guru, I don’t want my life partner to be like her. I want someone who is compassionate, intelligent and loving. One who loves nature and has good sense of humour. My parents are waiting for my answer. I want to break up this engagement but I don’t know how my parents will react to my decision. What should I do?
CA in Trouble
Dear CA in Trouble,
Actually one gets engaged in a bid to know his/her future partner better. In West, couples get engaged after dating so they are already familiar with each other and their engagement period is spent usually in planning their Big Day. However, in our part of the society, where love marriages are still frowned upon, generally engagements are arranged by parents. So this period provides a fair chance to the girl and boy to develop understanding with each other before tying the knot. This period is important as it gives an opportunity to the boy and girl to spend some time together and then decide whether they are actually ready for a serious commitment or not. Since marriage is a lifelong commitment, one should carefully weigh the pros and cons before making this big decision. Well, engagement is also a sort of commitment but since there are no legal formalities involved, like in wedding, one can break up one’s engagement if one is not satisfied. However, one must take this step after serious consideration. Since you have decided that you want to break this engagement, then there is no point carrying on with this troublesome relationship. Your parents are educated and I am sure they will understand your point of view. When you are not happy with your fiancee then do not force yourself to marry her against your will. It’s better if you part your ways now than to go for an awkward wedding. She is rich and beautiful; she will get her type of man eventually. And a word of advice: second time, don’t go for an arranged engagement. You have learnt your lesson. Now, you must look for a girl who is your type. Good luck!
I am not allowed to go alone anywhere
Dear Guru,
I am a 16-year-old girl. I read your column with great interest. I study in Grade X in a prestigious school in Peshawar. I belong to a middle-class family. Guru, my problem is my family is very conservative. I live with my parents and grandmother and with my four elder brothers. They are loving, but they don’t let me go anywhere alone. Even if I have to go to my friends’ place, one of my brothers has to accompany me. It embarrasses me so much. What should I do?
Caged Girl
Dear Caged Girl,
Relax. You are only 16 and since you are the baby of the house everyone feels it is their responsibility to take care of you. Actually they all love you and do not want their little daughter/sister to get hurt. They are protecting you from the big bad world in their own way. This is their way of showing affection towards you. You are lucky that there are so many people who care about you. Don’t worry; you will get your freedom with the passage of time. Enjoy your carefree days while you can. Good luck!
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