By US Desk
Fri, 06, 24

“I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. Rich is better.” – Sophie Tucker


* Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix): Mechanic: Your car won’t pass inspection.

Me: Here’s $20 to look the other way.

Mechanic [looking the other way]: Your car won’t pass inspection.

* Keara Sullivan (@superkeara): I’ve decided to go for a Japanese tea house tatami mat minimalist decor vibe in the living room. And no, this decision has nothing to do with me recently discovering how expensive chairs are. This is a purely aesthetic choice.

* Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues): My personal style could best be described as “I wasn’t expecting to leave the house.”

* The Angel (@Angel_150913): Anyone else’s teenagers come home after school and act like they’ve just done 12 hours of hard manual labour?

* Natalie Would (@_NatalieWould): We’re all in the same boat, but some of us are wearing diamond encrusted life jackets.


Laugh Lines

Riddle me this…

Q: Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek?

A: Because he was always spotted.

Q: Why are frogs always so happy?

A: They eat whatever bugs them.

Q: What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?

A: You can tune a guitar, but you can’t tuna fish.

Q: Why do the French eat snails?

A: They don’t like fast food.

Q: What did the duck say when she bought lipstick?

A: Put it on my bill.

Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?

A: Swimming trunks.

Q: Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?

A: Their bats flew away.

Q: How come oysters never donate to charity?

A: Because they are shellfish.

Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

A: Of course. The Empire State Building can’t jump.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?

A: To get to the other slide.



“I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor. Rich is better.” – Sophie Tucker