By US Desk
Fri, 06, 24

A man was going to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the shed....



* Terri Paella Piñata (@terrip38): Before tweeting, I ask myself WWGTR… What would George Takei repost?

* Adam (@adamgreattweet): The Bachelor? No, give me a reality TV show about making non-work friends as an adult.

* Granite Man (@GraniteDhuine): My favourite hobbies are counting my chickens before they hatch, putting all my eggs in one basket, crying over spilled milk, barking up the wrong tree, and above all else, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

* Krista Pacion (@kristabellerina): If you take the road less travelled, you don’t have to see or talk to as many people. Follow me for more introvert hacks.

* Keara Sullivan (@superkeara): The way the Internet normalized receiving vitriol is crazy. All you need to post is a kinda tone deaf bad take and suddenly you’re receiving a level of hatred that back in the day only a Latin American soccer team goalie who fumbled an easy save in OT at a World Cup could inspire.


Laugh lines



A man was going to bed when his wife told him that he’d left the light on in the shed. So he opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things. He immediately phoned the police and explained the situation. The police replied that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

The man said, “Okay,” hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. “Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don’t have to worry about them now because I’ve just shot them all.” Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three squad cars, an armed response unit, and an ambulance showed up. The police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to the man, “I thought you said that you’d shot them!” The man replied, “I thought you said there was nobody available!”

Points to ponder


“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” – Cher