By US Desk
Fri, 04, 24

Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl): Me texting friend: Ooh what happened?!



* Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl): Me texting friend: Ooh what happened?!

Friend: *sends elaborate voice note *

Me to myself: Guess I’ll never know.

* Danielle Weisberg (@danielleweisber): I love how writers are like we want 22 episode seasons and actors are like 22 episode seasons are awesome and the crew is like please give us longer seasons so we aren’t unemployed 4 times a year and audiences are [like] pleaseeee give us more episodes and execs are like .. how about 6

* Hollie Harris (@allholls): If you enjoy repeating yourself a dozen times an hour, kids are for you.

* Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker): “Because it’s stupid and I don’t want to” feels like a perfectly good reason to skip a meeting.

* Danielle Fong (@DanielleFong): Goodbye interesting tweet that refreshed away from the timeline. I’ll never see you again.


Laugh lines 
The window


Two ladies in a bus were in disagreement over whether their window should remain open or closed, and as the dispute escalated, they at last called the conductor as referee.

“If this window is open,” one declared, “I shall catch cold, and will probably die.”

“If the window is shut,” the other announced, “I shall certainly suffocate.”

The two glared at each other. The conductor was at a loss, but he welcomed the words of a man with a red nose who sat near.

“First, open the window, conductor,” the man said. “That will kill one. Next, shut it. That will kill the other. Then we can finally have peace.”

Points to ponder


“If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” – Judith Martin