Guru, I am not satisfied with his attitude, and feel depressed when I listen to my friends’ accounts of their relationships. Please help....
My fiancé is not interested in me
Dear Guru,
I am a 22-year-old girl, and I belong to a middle-class family. My parents accepted the proposal of a guy, S, who is related to my father’s friend. We got engaged few weeks back and our marriage will take place after I complete my BS. My fiancé is well-educated and very good looking, so I was very happy when we got engaged. But since then I have learned that he was serious about his cousin but she liked someone else and did not accept his proposal. In the short time we have been engaged, he has not shown any interest in me. He talks to me on cell, but not for more than five to six minutes. His conversation is on mundane topics like my education, weather, fuel prices or bad traffic. He always visits with his family. He gave me a perfume on my birthday, but never brings me flowers like the fiancés of my friends. On the whole he is a very nice package and I like the idea of getting married to him, but his indifference has made me scared. What if he is still in love with his cousin? I have asked him if he was forced to get engaged to me and he denied it. He said he is happy with the engagement. But Guru, I am not satisfied with his attitude, and feel depressed when I listen to my friends’ accounts of their relationships. Please help.
Unhappy Girl
Dear Unhappy Girl,
The first thing you need to realise is that yours is an arranged match, so don’t expect any fireworks any time soon. S is related to your father’s friend, so he has to be careful and respectful in how he treats you. However, he is not indifferent to you: he talks to you on cell, visits you and remembered your birthday. He may have been serious for his cousin but that story ended when she declined his proposal. He has told you he is happy with this engagement, so you don’t have anything to worry about. Maybe he is a serious person by nature, so don’t harbour negative thoughts in your mind. Try to see the positive points in your fiancé, and don’t compare him with others, for that will make you unhappy. Focus on getting to know him better, and I am sure you will develop a very good relationship very soon.
Good luck!
I am in love with my brother’s friend
Dear Guru,
I am a 16-year-old girl. I am beautiful and smart. Everyone likes me, but I only love my elder brother’s best friend, R. R is very handsome and so funny! He is like family because he has been coming to our house since he was six, as his family and mine live in the same apartment building. R and my brother went to the same school, college and med school. They are doing their house job in a hospital. He is always very nice with me, but not the way I want. He thinks I am a kid, and gave me an Enid Blyton novel on my 16th birthday! When I fell down while playing badminton, he brought me candy! His mother is looking for a girl for him, but can’t see the 5’ 3” girl who lives just across from her apartment. She told my mom that she is waiting for R to complete his house job, and will get him married within a year. Guru, how can I make him notice me? I want to know if he is interested in me romantically or not, but don’t know how to go about it. What should I do?
Nervous Bella
Dear Nervous Bella,
You are at an age where every good looking guy will attract you, and R simply happens to be there. You see a lot of him as he seems to have the run of your house, and that is why you have developed this infatuation for him. Since R is your brother’s best friend, he probably thinks of you as his kid sister, and that is why he gives you Enid Blyton and candy. His mom wants him married soon, but you are only 16 and too young to get engaged or married. That is why R’s mom has not zeroed in on you as a prospective bride for her son.
You should concentrate on your studies, participate in co-curricular activities and go out with friends. There’s lots of time for you to become serious about a guy, especially since you know he will be married before the year is out probably, and you still have a long way to go before your parents will consider a match for you.
Good luck
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