I am a 21-year-old girl. I have a twin brother and both of us are university students. Our parents were forced to marry each other by their parents....
My father wants to remarry
Dear Guru,
I am a 21-year-old girl. I have a twin brother and both of us are university students. Our parents were forced to marry each other by their parents.
My father was in love with his class fellow, F, and wanted to marry her. Unfortunately for him, my grandparents are very conservative people and threatened to disinherit my father if he married the girl he loved as she belonged to another caste.
My father was willing to marry F even at the cost of being cut off by his parents, but F’s parents did not allow her to marry a penniless guy without prospects. F refused to marry my father without her parents’ permission and broke my father’s heart. Her parents got her married to her aunt’s son and, after that, my father also went along with my grandparents’ wishes and married my mother.
My mother passed away when my brother and I were only 12. Although my father did not really love my mother, he was devastated by her death because he knew how close we were with our mother. He really took good care of us. Managing home was not a problem as we had domestic help, and my grandparents were there for us – they still are and they really love us.
Two years after my mom’s death, my grandmother asked my father to remarry, but he refused. He said his children were enough for him and he would not foist a stepmother on them.
I got engaged a couple of months ago and my wedding date will soon be set. The problem is that now my father wants to get married again! He told my grandparents that after my wedding he will have a simple nikah with a friend’s sister, Y. We have known Y for many years and she is a very kind person. My brother is all right with having Y as our stepmom, but I cannot accept her in place of my mother. Also, once he has another woman in his life, he will probably stop loving us.
Guru, I am very upset. I don’t want to lose my father. He cares about us but I am afraid he will change if he marries again. I don’t know what to do. Please help!
Troubled Girl
Dear Troubled Girl,
Losing a mother at a young age is a very painful experience, and I can imagine how hard it must have been for you and your brother, but you are lucky because you have a loving father and grandparents.
Your father did not get married again because he loved both his children and thought about their well-being only. However, you will soon get married and after some time your brother will also complete his studies, get a job, and will have his own life, but what about your father? What will he do when he gets older? He is right in thinking about himself. He knows once his children are married, he will become lonely and depressed. By taking a decision now, he is making sure he will have a companion in his old age.
I am sure he will not change even if he gets married. So, don’t think negatively about his marriage. Also, you have known Y for a while, which is a positive thing. You have stated that she is a kind person and you should know that all stepmoms are not evil. If a woman is kind and loving by nature, she will remain the same in every relationship.
Your father will not stop loving you because parents cannot stop loving their children, ever. Think about your father and his happiness, and try to accept Y with an open heart. Hopefully, things will work out for all of you.
Good luck!
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