I fear the potential consequences of not being able to maintain my weight in the long run. What should I do?
Is my weight a problem?
Dear Guru,
I am currently in the last semester of my bachelor's program and have been engaged for three years. Our wedding was initially planned for next year in February, but my fiancé wants the wedding to be postponed to the end of the following year. He has not given any reason, so my parents are worried.
Guru, I believe there is a matter that may be bothering my fiancé. Over the past two years, I have gained weight and now appear a bit chubbier than I did three years ago. My fiancé, on the other hand, is very health-conscious and goes to the gym regularly. He has repeatedly suggested various weight loss training programs at different gyms, but I confess I did not pay any heed to them. I was sure of his love and acceptance of me regardless of my appearance.
I think my weight might be affecting our relationship. I am worried that he may be concerned about my physical appearance. I've noticed that he avoids family gatherings where we can be seen together. When he attends, he avoids being photographed with me. Guru, I am really worried. How should I approach this situation? While I am open to working on my fitness and losing weight, I fear the potential consequences of not being able to maintain my weight in the long run. What should I do?
Concerned Girl
Dear Concerned Girl
It seems you have a good relationship with your fiancé, so instead of beating about the bush come straight to the point. Have a serious and open conversation with your fiancé. Provide him with prompts to encourage him to express his feelings and thoughts about why he wants to postpone the wedding. Find out his reasons.
Then express your concerns: if, during the conversation, your fiancé mentions concerns about your appearance or suggests that you need to go to the gym, it’s important to consider these comments seriously. Our bodies change with time - that’s pretty normal. While staying healthy and active is important, conforming to an ideal body image based on someone else’s standards may not be possible for anyone.
If your fiancé’s concerns about your appearance has become a significant factor in the decision to postpone the wedding, it might be worth reconsidering the compatibility of your relationship. Marriage is a partnership built on love, understanding, and acceptance, including accepting each other’s physical changes over time.
Remember, a successful marriage is built on open communication, mutual respect, and a shared understanding of each other’s needs and expectations. I encourage you to approach this conversation with sincerity and a genuine desire to understand each other better.
Good luck!
I am worried about my studies
Dear Guru,
I am a 14-year-old girl. I am a ninth-grader, and my study load is heavy. Despite that my mother makes me do household chores, and do my grandmother’s work. I have to stay back and look after her alone when my parents go out. This is affecting my studies, but I am too scared of my mom to say anything. What should I do?
Student in Trouble
Dear Student in Trouble,
At 14, you are not qualified to look after your grandmother alone. Also, your priority must be your studies, and I am sure your parents don’t want you to neglect your studies, so talk to your parents about this issue. If you are scared to talk to your mother, bring the topic up when both your parents are there. Explain to them that you need to pay attention to your studies and don’t have a lot of time for other things. Tell them that when your study load is lighter, you will be happy to help out, but cannot do it all the time. Hopefully, your parents will understand your point of view.
Good luck!
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