I feel my mother dislikes me and wants to do everything to make my life impossible, but I know she loves me. I feel sad and upset all the time. How can I cope with my problems?
Dear Guru,
I am a 22-year-old girl from a typical Pakistani family that wants their daughters married perhaps even before they are born! I am engaged to my paternal aunt’s son and my wedding is in a year’s time. I will be able to complete my bachelor’s but I want to do master’s. No one in the family is bothered at all about my wish to do master’s before getting married.
I am an average sort of student, so instead of going for difficult subjects I opted for social sciences, which is working for me fine, and I want to do master’s in political science. When I pleaded to my mother to let me do master’s before getting rid of me, she said that since I am not becoming a doctor there is no need for me to do master’s. It feels bad, Guru! Is my education not important?
How can I convince my parents to allow me to do master’s before I am married? It’s my dream and passion to do master’s. At some point, I would like to work also, and a master’s degree will go a long way in helping me get a job.
Another problem is I don’t like household chores, especially cooking, but my mother wants me to become a good cook. She makes me do dishes and clean the house although we have two full-time maids. I feel my mother dislikes me and wants to do everything to make my life impossible, but I know she loves me. I feel sad and upset all the time. How can I cope with my problems? Frustrated Sparrow
Dear Frustrated Sparrow,
Parents should let their daughters complete their education before they are married off, because it is not always possible for girls to continue their studies once they are married. Also, inflation will likely stay sky-high for a long time, so girls should be able to work to supplement the family income. Try to discuss these two points with your father.
In case your parents don’t relent, your other option is to try and convince your cousin to wait for you to complete your education or to let you do master’s after your marriage. Your wish to work should be honoured by your father and husband-to-be, but you will have to convince both of them that you are serious about your studies, and are willing to work hard to achieve your goal.
As for your other problem, I would advise you to be guided by your mother. Learning to cook and other chores can make your life easier even if you have maids of your own. You see, you will be able to run your house efficiently if you know how everything is done.
You know your mother loves you, so how can you feel she dislikes you? If she seems a bit strict to you, it could be she wants you to excel at everything and have a successful life. So stop feeling sad and upset just because your mother is trying to prepare you for your future role as the mistress of your own house. Good luck
Dear Anonymous,
Your health problem may become serious if not treated, so consult a gynaecologist as soon as possible. You should have discussed it with your mother, when it started, but hopefully it’s not very late. Just don’t delay further. Good luck
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