Recently, I met a young professional who would have been in his late thirties. During conversation, he shared with me the story of his professional life. After graduating from a prestigious college with flying colours, he began his search for a career job. His family was economically, fairly well-placed; the need for a job was to build and pursue and a career, he said.
Recently, I met a young professional who would have been in his late thirties. During conversation, he shared with me the story of his professional life. After graduating from a prestigious college with flying colours, he began his search for a career job. His family was economically, fairly well-placed; the need for a job was to build and pursue and a career, he said.
To land a job of his choice, he used his father’s “influence” to get not a cushy and well-priced employment, but to be hired by a financial institution as a “tea boy”. Shocked, I asked, "and why in the world did you do that?” He calmly said, “I remained a tea boy for eight weeks serving staff and clients, and then I asked for a posting as a “cashier/teller”, although the institution offered me instantly a management trainee position.
I remained teller for 3months and then joined the management trainee programme”. Amused with the voluntary disclosure, I asked again, “what was driving you to do, what you did?” The young man very confidently replied, “I was pampered by the elitism of my family. I had no economic worries. I always had money to pay for myself and friends at the tuck-shop during college/university days. So, I had to crush and tame my ego”. Remarkable approach, I applauded.
What is ego? There is so much material available in the study of psychology and all other subjects that study and relate to human behavior. Ego is all about self-importance. Mostly the word attracts to itself only negative connotations, whereas, it is actually an inherent trait and device that allows, every individual to negotiate and adapt to the environment. Ego is much about who you are? What feelings you nurture and carry about yourself? And exactly, how these feelings translate into words, actions and deeds? It could represent truth or falsehood. Since commonly it is seen as a negative connotation, ego could be that camouflage you wear. What it does is create a false sense of self importance. At its extreme, it leads to feelings of indispensability. The lack of response to personal self-importance from the environment makes an individual egomaniac and at worst can lead to the development of suicidal tendencies. But that’s a subject matter for psychoanalysts. Here, I would like to dwell in passing about what it is and then be more specific of its impact on everyday life at work.
The inelasticity of ego is the main cause for rupturing sound relationship. Divorce rates have risen, across all cultures and geographies, for reasons of “clash of egos”. The unwillingness to bend under a premeditated assumption one is superior or better than the other leads to conflict. Owing to the inflexibility to adjust not merely to the strengths but most importantly to the weaknesses of each other, a couple first becomes estranged and then break up to depart, here and not as per vow of till ‘death do us ……”. Obstinacy in behavior is a close cousin of the egotism of self.
At the work place, there are many of the breed, who are so full of themselves they consider their teammates to be a bunch of the incompetents, clubbed together as followers.
Everything received by them as product of hard work by a colleague is torn to shreds. As a replacement, such managers give directions with what they consider as golden words of advice. I have never been amused with remarks like, “I just love the quality of my output”. “I am the thinker, who does all the creativity”. We hear such statements on the corporate floor. A true reflection of the “ego” getting the better of the leader, nay, the misguided manager!
Manager of people, possessed of negative ego, will never be hesitant to rebuke colleagues with taunts and sarcasm; because it is a part of their inherent nature; a significant part of their egoistical best.
Perks, privileges or protocols, granted legally or acquired illegally, perfect the egoistic behavior. Protocol corrupts the human mind. It fails to distinguish between importance received from surroundings due to the trapping of the office held and respect gained because of the personal traits of likeability. Ego demands the servitude of others around oneself.
The cardinal mistake, the egoistic managers make, is continuous self-overestimation. The timidity within tells them they are brave and the inadequacies that they are the most talented and skillful in the organisation. Falling in fatalistic love with one’s own self, in an uncontrollable and unstoppable manner, is the first rung on the ladder that takes a manager to the zenith of egoistical behavior.
Self-love is most injurious to manager, for they begin to see no rivals around themselves, regardless of how untrue that may be. It usually comes late and hard, to appreciate, that it is only when one doesn’t think too much of oneself, that the surroundings actually begin to hold such persons in greater esteem, then can be imagined.
When beset with feelings of superiority, it is best to remember the world around you may not agree to your estimation. Ego is not self-esteem.
Self-esteem comes by way of firstly respecting one’s own self; others will follow suit. Your worth is dependent upon your own valuation. And your valuation is directly proportional to your words, deeds and actions. Those who undervalue themselves usually end up being rightfully valued. What is easily missed is that a behavior demonstrative of egoism is a license you hand over to others to judge the true worth of your work.
In the subjugation of ego lies the secret of leadership over others, who otherwise may actually be more competent and capable. It is not an easy task to gain mastery over the management of one’s ego.
Harnessing of ego requires practice of self-discipline and self-restraint. A manager, who overpowers his/her egoistic tendencies through discipline and restraint, is a far greater individual than known conquerors in history. For in doing so, he/she begins to rule his/her (own) spirit. To be ego-free, one must have full command over the self and simultaneously with effort nourish the ‘spirit’, that has within itself, the clasped nobility of the divinely spirit.
William Shakespeare expounded his views on how to build relationship with the rest of all, with no accompaniment of ego, in the following words: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. A virtuous attitude towards oneself is the surest guarantee of being right towards others.
Ego-laced conversation by the chairperson, in meetings of any sorts, is never a surprise. The extreme pleasure taken, while conversing, nay making a speech about the virtues of own self, should provoke concern of all attendees that it hardly gives joy to those that have to take the brunt of listening, to this Niagara Fall of superlatives, in the description of his/her talents. Ego is a gulf with no bridge and it distances us from the banks of reality, it creates a very thick veil between faults and abilities.
By experience, I say managers with unmanageable egos are seen to make statements like, “I work the hardest here; there is no competition to my imagination; my vision is unquestionable and why in the world, the universe doesn’t give me respect, voluntarily; why do I have to demand?”. When managers reach this pinnacle of self-deception of such self-serving thoughts and actions, their undoing process begins and subsequently they are likely to find themselves in the dungeons of self-pity.
Narcissist managers are never alone as they have their egos by their side. With their respective egos they engage in a lifelong romance. For such egos are like balm. It is the greatest deceptive flatterer within us. Narcissist attitude and ego make a good couple. Ego prevents free flow of communication. Obstinacy and obduracy co-extends with egoistic behavior.
A manager who cannot subordinate his/her self to the good of the team can never be a good leader. Ego that drives negative responses needs correction, but being totally devoid of it, one has to be mindful of not becoming a doormat. Ego, under command and control is a desirable trait, for all.
Ego makes for both types of attitudes, from absolute aloofness to unbearable closeness. Both are equally proportionate to the pain they generate.” Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad” (Euripides). I recall with much amusement, an officer in Hong Kong, who was under my supervision, of subcontinental descent.
He, with true innocence and confidence, during the course of annual appraisal, remarked to me, “Come on, Sir! You have with me, such an easy task to perform……… I mean you will not have to think about how good, I am! I am, so good. You know it.” I gave a cold stare and a snappy response, which was received by a comment, he made, ‘O’ come on, I can get no less than an outstanding rating”. It took me a few months to explain to him, what ego meant against the quality of humility. To be fair, he was without doubt, innocent of his arrogance and ego. This trait is so strongly deceptive.
The writer is a freelance contributor
