Pleasing disposition

In business world in particular and in general human inter-action the presence and importance of a disposition that is pleasant and pleasing cannot be underscored.

Why do some people seem so attractive on first sight? What elements go to make up their personality? From what sources do they draw their magnetic charisma? If there is no glow of charm in an individual, it really doesn’t matter much, what else they may have. What the heart thinks, is the man. What are those qualities that endear a few in lightening speed to all they come into contact with? Love at first sight is an absolute truth; the discovery in a man-woman relationship, of it being contrary, is sometimes a matter of time. But otherwise the dictum holds water.

When as managers (at various levels) we meet job seeking candidates, first we have a profile to read and form an impression, that is imaginary; then we get to meet the person and form an opinion on the visible attributes, both the self-created and naturally blessed, and finally through conversation, we endeavor into the difficult task of peering into his outward personality for discovering the invisible traits. A personality is a combination of visible and invisible characteristics, traits and attributes.

Dressing has a major impact on personality. However, the visible is easy to judge, the clothes one wears. Barring the clowns and comedians in a circus, any person wearing an orange colored tie on a sky blue suit, is not a pleasant sight. It reflects poor taste of clothes, color and lack of understanding, of what the specific industry demands are, coupled with the need to remain in consonance with climatic condition. Without suggesting racial discrimination, the choice of color of clothes must also be in step with the naturally blessed complexion. In contrast, if the charisma of the personality is so over-whelming, any color would suit them.

Dressing is the visible part. Also the anatomy which is given by mother nature comes into full display-faces are bright and some are dark; some have enticing smile, other are poker-faced; some have gleaming eyes and some have drooping eye-lid; some exude positive energy, some release and convey negative energy and sentiments.

How these non-quantifiable factors are to be measured is a challenge. In doing so, I have always wondered whether in the conduct of an interview, is it the skill of the candidate that is really at test or is it the skill of the interviewer, which is at higher state of test. The first principle is to hire someone better than your ownself. Discovering the inner persona requires presence of large amounts of emotional and sensitive quotient in the interviewer’s personality. So, in any inter-action the measure will be about the possession or absence of pleasing disposition, between two or more individuals.

Personality is also judged by the handshake. A firm and warm handshake is a major indicator of how the meeting between two strangers will unfold. The current passed through via handshake can be live or dead. If it is live, the response will be most likely, a warmer reaction. Sending cold energy across is an indication of a lack of interest. I had a friend at university, who had the most soft handshake; whenever he visited our house, my father would say, “he doesn’t shake hands-he hands over his, hands shake it, if you wish to, is the message.” Chinese premier Zhou Enlai was known for his exceedingly long and warm handshake. Infact, his unwillingness to let go of the hand of Begum Nusrat Bhutto, upon arrival at Bejing airport, alongside her husband, Zulifqar Ali Bhutto, had become the butt of many jokes. But all Leaders, from Soviet Leonid Brezhnev to American Richard Nixon acknowledged that Zhou’s handshake was warm and friendly, making him admirable.

The possession of a magnetic handshake is a prerequisite to be known and recognized as a pleasant person. It should not be too firm nor too loose, but enough to become a medium of communication between hearts. Avoid carrying any negative or repulsive tendencies. For example there are occasions when the most pleasant of all is ignored because of the failure to use the right perfume. Again, the perfume shouldn’t be bold, but more inclined towards subtlety.

The best quality to possess as manger is to discern, what and how do the eyes speak. For every spoken word, it is actually a case of whether the glitter in the eye indicates and reflects the speech similarly or does it convey resentment. Eyes, are the major medium of discussion. Poetic it may sound but it is through eyes one can attempt to travel to the heart of an individual, where possibly may be residing, either garbage and dumps of trash or pristine sea of nobility. “Eyes peak universal language. They also indicate the antiquity of the soul.”

Governing events is dependent on governing self. Pleasant people speak in low tones and with adequate measure of clarity. Each spoken word is distinct, carefully chosen, with the right emphasis on controlling tonality.

Aspiration is greater then realisation, because it keeps us actually climbing upwards towards some un-attained goals. To pursue this, one needs to be in full command of oneself, exuding confidence. Adversity gives birth to courage. In defeat are hidden the seeds of success. The quest for wisdom and its quality is fully dependent upon the ability to see and correct own weaknesses, instead of asking others to improve. Self discipline, must be taken with rigidity to make it part of character.

Pleasant personalities have impeccable standard. They never mix up their official lives with personal time and life. Character is single most significant aspect in the development of pleasing attitude.

Sentiments developed over years determine character. Rarely is any man better than his words. There is no way to check intentionality. None can smell character unless it stinks. Great, handsome physical looks, without the presence of a lethally likeable attributes, is a sure sore thing to the eye.

Pleasant personality emerges when an individual speaks with conviction. The giving of sincere praise and its receipt requires an attitude of humility. With thoughts controlled, you can be confident of right actions.

What is better, to start at the top of the pyramid and climb down to the bottom rung, of the ladder or climb to the top from the base and stay there. Obviously, the second alternative should be the preferred choice. But to attain that you need to have a disposition and nature of the flowing waters, that meanders itself through treacherous terrains, but finds its reunion with the mighty ocean. A personality of accommodation and tolerance, is a pre requisite for any leadership position.

J.F Kennedy had a charisma, both developed and naturally endowed- no one can afford to not like him. His personality reflected calm, peace but so was resoluteness, a part of his political character. Look at any picture of Audrey Hepburn, you cannot associate her with anything, except the virtues of grace and innocence. The face of Prince Karim Agha Khan beams and radiates piety and piousness. It can be argued that all of these three were immensely helped by Mother Nature, but it is my belief that the natural blessing was fortified by inner purity. The inner goodness always shines on the face. Remember face is the index of mind.

To lead in the corporate sector too, there is a need to pay attention to the development of a pleasing personality. It helps being both a leader and a manager.

The writer is a senior banker and freelance columnist