The leaders of the business and political world will begin their annual festival of hand-wringing and backslapping at Davos in January. From a mountain high in a Swiss resort, attendees at the World Economic Forum will sip champagne and network like crazy while posing as concerned global citizens fretting over inequality and the rise of populism.
But, after Brexit and Donald Trump, in the biggest shock of them all the Financial Times has learnt the sensational and entirely fictional news that next year's pilgrimage has been moved from Davos to the rather more earthy and economically deprived location of Dagenham in east London.
The move was the brainchild of Sir Nigel Farage, the new UK ambassador to the UN, who said it would help the global liberal elite get back in touch with the real world and create a "Davos for the Donald". Sir Nigel himself will host the grand gala dinner at Tarantino's in Hornchurch.
Dagenham Davos (this year's slogan: Keep it real, mate) may not offer the spectacular scenery of the Magic Mountain resort, but on a clear day there is a fine view of the Beckton Alps and the vista over Barking Reach and the river.
Accommodation, of course, is always at a premium. The Travelodges book out well in advance, though attendees speak highly of the Sir Alfred Hitchcock Hotel (breakfast and Anthony Perkins optional). Other delegates may find rooms in Romford and South Ockenden. Sadly, attendees will not be able to visit Klosters but buses will be on hand for those wanting a shopping trip to Bluewater.
The vintage clarets evening may be lost, but Paul Nuttall, the new Ukip leader, will host a "superb stouts" night in the Admiral Vernon pub.
Despite the less salubrious surroundings, organisers say the driving principles will be the same. Attendees at Dagenham Davos will still be "asking the big questions" like: Didn't we meet at the Aspen Institute? Are you still looking for a new CEO? And: Has Donald called you yet?
Trump's election victory and the Brexit vote have focused minds on the growing gap between global leaders and voters - or the "disconnect" as they prefer to say at Davos. This issue will be tackled in what promises to be a fascinating session: "Are we too remote from the riff-raff?" Speakers will not be there in person, but Jean-Claude Juncker will be on Skype.
Once in situ the titans and political leaders will bring the power of their intelligent groupthink to the thorniest socio-economic issues. The session on the fourth industrial revolution - "Why my iPhone is more use than you" - will be followed by one on the fifth industrial revolution and the new jobs technology will create, entitled: "My phone needs a human assistant".
President-elect Trump will not be there but on his private advice, relayed in a late-night tweet to the organiser "German Klaus", several angsty liberal sessions are being axed. Out goes "The ethical case for globalisation: be happy your job's gone to Romania" and "Mindfulness for the Angry White Man". In their place are "Screw the environment - what about my job?" and the Breitbart debate: "Why tomorrow belongs to me".
To ensure that concerned global leaders are put in places where they can mix with normal people, the Thursday sessions will all take place at the nearby Westfield mall, though obviously the centre will be closed to the public for security reasons.
As the attendees struggle with the social divide, the normal Davos hierarchy will still apply. Gold badge holders can go everywhere, while white badge holders can roam freely in the Barking Bus Garage and the Olympic Park, as well as enjoying access to the raised booths at the Faces Nightclub for New Romantics night. It may lack some of the chic of the Steigenberger but the drinks are cheap and the Kemp brothers have promised to look in. Orange badge holders will have to queue at the door, but women get in for free before 9pm. Under the new inclusivity, members of the public will be able to photograph global leaders arriving, as long as they stay behind the security perimeter and do not ask for selfies.
Organisers are tremendously excited about the whole plan. As one said: "Not only is it getting us back in touch with real people, it's very close to London City Airport and only 40 minutes from the Savoy by car."
