Keeping Up With
The Kardashians x
Mr & Mrs Shahroz Sabzwari

Another week, another tone-deaf opinion by Sadaf and Shahroz Sabzwari. In case you stay off social media to maintain healthy cortisol levels, Shahroz Sabzwari recently opined that for him and his family, the more gratitude they express, the more they have. Which of course is an amazing view on life, but when it comes from someone who grew up wealthy, you just want to facepalm for the rest of your life. Especially when the view is expressed to people living in a country close to complete economic collapse. Anyway – Jr. totally reminded us of Kim Kardashian telling women to get off their behinds and work hard to get where she is. You mean, ‘born to wealth, married to wealth,’ Kim? But wouldn’t the Sabzwaris and Kardashians make the most perfect crossover ever? Someone needs to make this happen.

Martin Scorsese x Fawad Khan

Because white validation was already on our minds, if Martin Scorsese can make Leonardo DiCaprio his favorite son, we think Fawad Khan totally qualifies to be his favorite brown son. He’s handsome, he can act, he is also broody, and has gone from teen heartthrob to international man of mystery (in that we never know
exactly where FK is and what he’s doing, until 5 of his long-delayed projects are delivered all at once). Can this somehow happen please? While we want more and more of Fawad Khan on local screens, we also want him to transcend that
Bollywood stardom milestone and go for gold, in particular, a golden Oscar,
so that Sabahat Zakariya and Adnan Siddiqui can discuss why Pakistan’s no.
1 son-in-law needed some has-been gora show to show us he is a talented star?

Adnan Siddiqui x Sabahat Zakariya

We are total fans of the work the abovementioned do, in the sense that both are regularly offended by someone else. Also they love schooling people regularly. So whether it’s Adnan Siddiqui being offended by the broad South Asian brushstroke, or Sabahat Zakariya being offended by Pakistanis working towards achieving some kind of global recognition, these two have some hot takes.
We recommend a fortnightly YouTube live between them, where they can tell us how colonized our mindsets are, and someone can comment about how Arooj Aftab appropriated Raja Gidh for her album’s title. We really want this to happen so we can ask the person in all caps: “HAVE YOU EVEN READ RAJA GIDH?” and in non-caps we shall add: “Raja Gidh is overrated and pretentious”, because obviously the Urdu scholars on social media will come at us for insulting such a great (not) book. Maybe Adnan and Sabahat can also do one episode where they employ a psychic to connect with Bano Qudsia and ask her how she feels about Raja Gidh translating to Vulture Prince. Chances are that Qudsia sahiba would be completely fine with it, as she was a really chill lady and understood the hustle like no other woman of her times.