Some words stay with you – not the ones you heard, but the ones you never said. Over the years, I have come to realise that the most uncomfortable silences in life aren’t always during arguments. Sometimes, they’re what’s left behind after someone’s gone. Sometimes, they’re the pauses in long relationships – when we assumed people knew how we felt, and they assumed the same.
There was a man I once knew, not a close friend, but someone always present in the periphery of many lives. Familiar face, familiar presence. He had a quiet dignity about him. Over time, a small misunderstanding created distance between him and others. No big quarrel, no harsh words – just space that widened. People thought they’d reconnect with him eventually. A message, a visit – next week, maybe. That week never came. He passed away last year. Heart attack. Quietly, without fanfare, much like the way he lived.
It’s strange, the things we hold back. A simple ‘I’m sorry’. A ‘thank you’. A message that says, ‘I was thinking of you’. We convince ourselves that people know. That gestures are enough. That words are optional. But they’re not. Sometimes words are the bridge – the only bridge – between distance and closeness, between memory and regret.
We often associate vulnerability with weakness, especially in our part of the world. Men, in particular, are taught early to keep emotions to themselves. I’ve seen entire families go years without expressing affection simply because no one wants to be the first to soften. But beneath the silence, there's love. There's longing. There's unspoken forgiveness. And yet everyone waits for the other to speak.
What we forget is that time doesn’t wait. Life has a way of pulling people in different directions. You tell yourself: ‘we’ll talk when things settle down. I’ll visit when I’m less busy’. And then one day you find yourself scrolling through old photos, wishing for one more chance to say something you should’ve said years ago.
I once met an elderly gentleman at a gathering, perhaps in his late 70s. We got talking, and he said something that stayed with me: “When you get to my age, it’s not your mistakes that haunt you most – it’s the things you didn’t say”. He had lost his wife recently. They had a good marriage, but he regretted not saying “I love you” more often. “She knew”, he said. “But I wish I’d told her anyway”.
We all think we have time. That there will be another dinner, another phone call, another Eid, another hug. But life doesn’t work like a calendar. It slips by, quietly. People leave. Circumstances change. And what we’re left with isn’t always heartbreak – sometimes it’s just silence where words should’ve been.
Even joy, if unexpressed, can leave a hollow space. A father who never tells his son he’s proud. A friend who watches from afar but never says, “I’m rooting for you”. A daughter who assumes her mother knows how much she’s appreciated, but never says the words.
And then there are the apologies. The little ones, the big ones – the ones that could have saved relationships, if only we’d had the humility to say them. Not all silences are innocent. Some are heavy with ego. Others with fear.
But the beautiful thing is: it’s not too late. Most of us still have time. We can still write that message. Still pick up the phone. Still walk into a room and say, “I know it’s been a while, but I’ve missed you”. It may feel awkward. It may not come out perfectly. But it will matter.
In a world so full of noise, it’s strange that the words that matter most are often the ones we leave unsaid.
Say them. While you still can.
The writer is a leading Pakistani industrialist. He can be reached at: fkdadabhoy@hotmail.com
