The many Lenins of Pakistan

Marxism even in its heyday never had so many prophets of change as Pakistan. We can’t fix ordinary things and most of our bonzes, including Kublai Khan, have a hard time grappling with ordinary concepts but they must talk the language not just of change but of revolution. Whether they are fooling many people on the skyline may be a matter of conjecture. But they sure are fooling themselves.
Out in the vanguard of the revolution waiting-to-happen is Kublai himself, his Bolshevik central committee consisting of such committed ideologues as Qureshi, Kasuri, Assef Ahmed Ali, Jehangir Tareen, et al, with those sinister ex-Jamaatias at the back who have been his ideological bodyguards...a list enough to give anyone a headache.
The time may have come to rend the veil asunder. The Karl Marx of the Khan revolution is Professor Rafiq Akhtar of Gujar Khan. And I suppose its Engels is our friend Haroon Rashid, the perspicacious wordsmith. I want to make the pilgrimage to Professor Akhtar’s Marxian shrine myself. Out of curiosity and then because Professor Akhtar is said to be a generous host, partial to game – partridge and quail and desi mugh (no broilers, please) and, lastly, because another of his acolytes is one Gen Ashfaq Parvez Kayani.
The Bolsheviks, God save their memory, had their priorities right. When the Winter Palace in St Petersburg was stormed soldiers and sailors broke into the Tsar’s cellars, and the drains ran with some of the finest wine in Europe. And soldiers lay drunk in the gutters.
Wine was not the emblem of the revolution but it was a solace. What is going to be the solace of the Kublai revolution? Given what is fairly widely known of the early preference of many of its leading lights – I will not be more specific – could it be pot? If that is the case, is there a glimmer of hope? For could not pot – charas in the vernacular – lead to a light loosening of the strings of Prohibition? Or will there be a continued run on hypocrisy?
On the subject of hypocrisy, must the standard-bearers of revolution make a spectacle of their prayers on stage? Whom are they trying to impress? Such a public effusion may leave even sinners like me with wet eyes but if it becomes standard practice it is likely to become a bit wearisome...too much of a good thing.
A word also about the soulful music at the Kublai rallies, especially when the theme gets tragic and Imran speaks of all that has gone wrong with the Islamic Republic. The choreographers went soulful even in Chakwal and the results were hilarious. If there is to be music there are so many stirring marches to choose from – Mozart (Turkish march), Beethoven (his military music is fantastic), Schubert, etc. But I suppose this is a tall order.
If Imran were the only drumbeater around, the only apostle of change, it would still be bearable. But Pakistan is suffering from a surfeit of Lenins, Pakistani politicians somehow convinced that unless they intone the word inquilab they are not coming up to the mark. Thus the ensuing catastrophe of even the Sharif brothers playing the same symphony, Nawaz Sharif unable to deliver a speech without mentioning revolution and Punjab’s Khadim-e-Aala leaving audiences spellbound with his rendition of Jalib’s “mein nahin manta, mein nahin janta”.
Nawaz Sharif has a keen sense of humour and laughs easily. Does the irony escape him that coming from him, one of Pakistan’s leading plutocrats, talk of revolution sounds a bit thick? But I suppose it doesn’t pay to be over-sensitive in Pakistani politics.
At this point, unless I sound too jarring, may I put in a word for the mayhem let loose on ‘Pindi Board first year students by the computer revolution set in motion by the Khadim-e-Aala? They have been denied what in the jargon is called ‘objective marks’ which will make them suffer when they seek admission in such places as NUST and FAST and so on. Let the Khadim-e-Aala be grateful that the media have other eggs to fry. Otherwise, the ineptitude on display on the part of Punjab’s education mandarins under his command would be a firing squad matter in any other climate.
The affected students don’t deserve this. Lest we forget, this is in the land of good governance. A relatively simple matter like getting papers marked correctly turns into a laughing blunder but, let all doubts be set at rest, we will change the destiny of Pakistan.
It is a relief to turn from Kublai Khan and other Lenins to the PPP, the relief coming from the lack of hypocrisy in a party not afraid of turning itself into a laughingstock. President Zardari and the PPP are what they are without guise or makeup, warts and all unconcealed, with mercifully no talk of revolution and little pretence at being what they are not.
In telephone conversations the president tries to sound like a global statesman but that is not hypocrisy. Perhaps he really thinks that he operates at that level. The other parties and their leaders are too stuffy and self-righteous, including Kublai. The eleventh commandment could well be “Thou shalt not be self-righteous”...although one would have a hard time enforcing it in the broad spaces of the Islamic Republic.
The twelfth commandment could be “Thou shalt not be boring”. Rehbar-e-Tehrik Altaf Hussain is not boring, never is. It is always a spectacle watching him deliver his long-distance orations, and a treat watching the looks of patient suffering on the faces of his captive audiences. When he is funny he can be impish, his take on the Khadim-e-Aala’s Jalib singing an example of this. He has also been known to talk of revolution but he doesn’t labour the point, as Nawaz Sharif does, in season and out. I suppose as a natural comic Altaf Hussain is not self-righteous, currently the foremost Pakistani disease.
The firebrands of the Pakistan Defence Council recently held a most impressive show at Minto Park. (Where do these guys get their funding from?) Dubbed by uncharitable critics as Gen Pasha’s own hussars – ah, when will we be rid of conspiracy theories? – I have a great deal of empathy for this outfit, especially some of its firebrands who are more engaging company than many of the worthies in Pakistani politics out to save the nation, and who make your eyes glaze as they hold forth.
I have friends amongst the Council such as the Islamic scholar, Allama Tahir Ashrafi, a portly divine with a sharp sense of humour and hence also a man of the world. And I look with great respect, and no little inward amusement, at that staunch pillar of the faith, the reverend Maulana Samiul Haq, spiritual godfather, Allah be praised, of the Taliban movement.
But some of my empathy also flows from the rumour – alas, only a rumour – that among the other facets of the Pakistan Defence Council there also lurks a potent Vodka Wing. The great Maulana Abul Kalam Azad was not above taking a glass on the sly. This we have from Sardar Khushwant Singh. Far better something like that than wearing one’s religion on stage: it is enough to reaffirm one’s faith in human nature, and the future of Pakistan.
Don’t we take ourselves too seriously? Mansoor Ijaz, the great patriot taken to heart by Gen Pasha, has informed us of an S Wing in the ISI’s hallowed confines. If there was a Vodka Wing besides, we would be a less paranoid country.
Tailpiece: At last some arguments in the Supreme Court about the meaning and import of Article 184 (3) of the Constitution which leave one’s heart refreshed. Chiefs of the security establishment may yet discover that by conferring the highest patriotic award on the outlandish Mansoor Ijaz, they may have waded into waters more deep than they imagined. Well done, Asma Jahangir.

Email: winlust@yahoo.com