The Horse Whispers

March 15, 2020

Who could have guessed that the daughters of this great species, which had accompanied Saladin to Jerusalem and Hatim Tai to Najd, will learn Tai Kwon Do and break the teeth of the most renowned celebrity of our times.

“8th of March is a black day in the history of the Great Equine Republic, the like of which has not been seen since 1971. The only difference is that in 1971 we had lost half of our country; in 2020, we have lost all our honour.

“The equine race has seen many ups and down, since it trotted out of the Garden of Eden, having stolen the forbidden apple from the Zardari polo ponies. There was a time when the world was our meadow and we romped in the luscious valleys from Nile to Kashghar. Then, the western decadent values, promoted by Marvi Sarmad, set in and our society was invaded by the degrading artificial breeding. As a result, many a colt and filly are at a loss, to name the animal who sired them.

“Who could have guessed that the daughters of this great species, which had accompanied Saladin to Jerusalem and Hatim Tai to Najd, will learn Tai Kwon Do and break the teeth of the most renowned celebrity of our times, Yours Truly.


“Many of our pious leaders have lit the light of faith and spawned law abiding progeny, in distant lands, including Bollywood and Hollywood; potentates have risen and fallen in Panama and in Jabl e Ali; banks, viagra and the Dam Fund have failed. At the same time, countless horses yoked to their tongas are pulling their fares and are at the receiving end of the coachman’s lashings and abuse. They bear these indignities in the hope that when they get home, their fodder will be cut, and their mangers will be clean, free of dogs and treachery. Is this too much to ask for? In return for toiling day in and day out, the reward they get is that they are asked to find their own socks.

“O judgement, though art fled to brutish men

And beasts have lost their reason

“Dear brothers,

“You are hardworking horses. Many of you are draft horses, but you have sent your offspring to the best grooming stables. Your flesh and blood must be protected from unscrupulous traders in horse meat and bone meal and from the horse butchers. Your consorts must keep faith with you, rather than trying to walk on two legs, a custom imported from the west which is against nature and alien to our culture.”

(Among cheers and heartwarming, impassioned slogans),

KL Qamar

Chief Whip,

Glitter Channel


Special message from Maulana Whiskers:

“Dear brothers in Horsedom,

“Many of us are at a stage in life when the glue factory is staring us in the face. It is important that we bequeath the best of our culture to our coming generations and have enough to our credit so that we can meet our Creator with peace in our hearts. There is always the ominous threat of the Mares’ March. Together, we shall defeat that evil menace. The legions of this promiscuous organization will be decimated. You will remember that under the influence of their decadent Zionist masters, they have demanded that horses wear clothes when in presence of mares. This has caused consternation among the patriotic circles about the future of the nation and the community. This foul conspiracy against our culture and society will be totally annihilated.

“We are at a critical juncture in our history. Our enemies are conspiring at all times to attack us and weaken us and make us unfit to rule the world. We are the nation that made our home in the prairies of Andalusia for seven hundred years when the West was mired in the darkness of the Middle Ages.

“In the name of wax candle liberalism, they are running fake vaccination campaigns to reduce our fertility and to turn us into mules. I want to make it very clear to those who are on the payroll of the foreign masters that we shall have Glanders and we shall have the West Nile virus but we will not compromise on or fertility or our virility, the number of our consorts or the age of our pre-pubertal partners. We shall abide by what the Providence has written for us.

“Together, by our collective will, we shall defeat this so called Global March to Clothe Horses. This is nothing but rank imperialism which we would resist with all our might. We would fight to the last blade of grass and the last grain of barley and defend our God-given right to stay unclothed”.

(Among rapturous applause)

Maulana Whiskers FR,

DI Khan

The Horse Whispers