Marriages are made in heaven

January 12, 2020

The state harem is now complete and can serialise videos starring the Sheikh and the Sahibzadah; and the nation can look forward to at least three years of peace and prosperity

This was the grandest of the group marriages in Pakistan. Smartly dressed ushers, all on the same page, took the coy brides to the altar.

This had the blessing of the elders of the community. There were emotional scenes as many recalled the previous occasions when group marriages used to be such joyous affairs, bringing happiness for the young and the old alike. The celebrity marriages of the late 1980s in Changa Manga were remembered with a fond nostalgia. This small market town south of Lahore is known for its serene surroundings, bucolic bliss and a glorious history of equine commerce.

Many a village damsel would dream of the day when a soldier of destiny would come galloping down the GT Road and carry her off on horseback saving her and saving the nation at one stroke.

It is written in the Zafar Nama of Ranjit Singh that he bought his famous steed, Lailee, from this market. He is said to have been a connoisseur and studied carefully the pedigree of these beautiful animals before paying the top gold coin for his purchases. He was careful that all his horses were signed up to the greater national interest and innocent of the odious colonial notions such as monogamy and the law of evidence. It is well known that he took the King of Afghanistan in protective custody to be held accountable till he coughed up the Koh i Noor and signed a reconciliation order regarding the Ashiana Housing Scheme. It was only then that the Shah was allowed to join his harem in the British territory.

The brides come from illustrious families. One of them had her origin in the beautiful vale of Kashmir. Her ancestors had settled in Amritsar and thence to Lahore during the reign of the martyred Mughal king, Jalal ud Din Mohammad Zia ul Haq (RA).

The ancestry of the second bride is no less impressive. She is a scion of the famous Tashkent dynasty who had come down to live in the historic town of Thatta in the interior Sind in ancient times. They are known for their noble looks and oratorial skills and also for owning grand stately homes in Nawabshah, Surrey and Geneva.

The Pathans of Jullunder are well known for their aristocratic antecedents, for their traditions of chivalry and for being great warriors. The third bride comes from this noble line. They used to have large land holdings where wild oats were sown. Over centuries, the agriculture department has been successful in domesticating these species, to great acclaim of the agronomists across the world including Professor Maher Nahk of the University of Negev. She is a world authority on drip drip agriculture.

The state harem is now complete. Harem can serialise videos. The Sheikh and the Sahibzadah can star in them. The nation can look forward to at least three years of peace and prosperity and spend beautiful dollars on buying beautiful weapons.

Shotgun marriages are also made in heaven.

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Marriages are made in heaven