As I write this, Pakistan and India continue to mock and taunt each other about who has more muscle and which of the two is righteous. What is it about nationalism that convinces perfectly rational individuals, on both sides, into consuming fantastical claims? If nationalism is about being true to your own interests, then perhaps truth is the biggest casualty.

So-called professional journalists belonging to media houses on both sides claim to love the idea of peace -- but they love their ratings more. Journalistic integrity along with any pretense of impartiality is easily tossed away whenever tensions hit a high between the two countries. Even analysts parade personal (and biased) opinions as irrefutable logic. On Pakistani channels, Pakistan is the victim and India the aggressor -- the reverse is true if you watch any Indian network.

Some weeks ago I submitted in this space that nationalism is to India what religion is to Pakistan: distortions in the name of these in each country, at the level of state and citizenry, often preclude rational debate. Indian networks have actually thought it worthwhile to discuss the question whether Pakistani actors and performers should be told to leave because of the deeply disturbing Uri attack. Some Pakistani analysts have claimed that India orchestrated Uri in order to take attention away from the well-documented excesses of its military forces in Kashmir. These are actual talking points.

Grown-ups, gripped in the frenzy of nationalism, believe these questions actually merit debate. As if every Indian actor should have to clarify their stance on every atrocity committed by or in the name of India -- including non-state actors. Was the entire film industry hauled up at the time of Partition and forced to condemn what affected the other? Madness then remains madness now. Lapse of time should not confer sanctity on bigoted stances. Imagine American sportspersons being put on the spot about where they stand on alleged crimes committed by their countrymen. And the Indian media was not just asking Pakistani actors to condemn terrorism -- which they of course would since they are decent human beings, plus 50 thousand of their own countrymen have perished in it -- but many Indian networks/commentators wanted Pakistani actors to denounce the Pakistani state and its alleged ‘partners’. Failing this, we were told, the Pakistanis had no right to make money in India.

Arnab Goswami pretended, as he hilariously does, that he was being entirely reasonable. You have to admire that he can say all that he does with a serious face. Goswami also mocked the idea of people to people contact -- and of course his own reading of the situation is the only evidence that matters to him. He, like many anchors from India and Pakistan, lives in his own universe and these guys lull themselves to sleep every night while shouting themselves hoarse. Job done, nation defended. Goswami and his virulent siblings in Pakistan can be a source of great amusement, as well as a symptom of much that is wrong with our collective discourse. But more importantly these people have no right to undermine people-to-people contact -- millions in India and Pakistan can testify to the love they have experienced across the border. The very fact that one has met people whom one can pick up a phone and call reduces dangers of violence taking hold. That is what Nawaz and Modi need to do. Pick up the phone and make a call.

The Pakistani media is no saint either. Instead of engaging with the problem the Pakistani media saw allegations of Pakistani involvement, or inaction, as an attack on purity itself. Non-state actors in Pakistan threaten us as well as our neighbours -- these violent groups make no secret of this. Without calling for calmer heads to prevail and to actually investigate matters, the Pakistani media has started mocking India.

The restraint against aggressive speech preached by Islam has astoundingly become completely irrelevant -- even as our anchor persons invoke their faith. The state religion of Islam is invoked everywhere else, except when one requires compassion. As children, Pakistanis read a story of Holy Prophet (Peace Be Upon Him) quietly tolerating a woman throwing trash on him every day. And when he noticed her absence, he called on her and tended to her in her illness. But where are these teachings of Islam when nationalism is involved?

Of course, we should ask for evidence but one can ask for more evidence without accusing another of having brought it upon himself. What happens to journalistic integrity when nationalism is involved? What notion of patriotism demands screaming for violence or threats of nuking the other?

Having said this, Pakistan must also recognise, whether we like it or not, the violence against other states by non-state actors based here is our responsibility. And if we are unable to check them we should be clear and candid about it with the outside world. Being unwilling to check it is no longer an option. And a little more effective diplomacy would help too. Sure the state can point to shoddy prosecutions and ineffective justice delivery mechanisms to claim that those it arrests are set free. But then do something about it -- and more importantly be seen to be doing something about it in a credible way. Our response could have been much more rational -- instead we seemed defensive. No doubt India’s human rights violations in Kashmir deserve condemnation -- and many Indian citizens have also spoken and written about this -- but we cannot claim to be disturbed by violence, while being seen as ineffective to check violence emanating from within our borders. This hurts Pakistan because it makes our reactions ineffective. This hurts Kashmir because it makes the plight of Kashmiris worse and also takes away from the importance of the human rights issues in that valley.

Calls for violence represent violence itself. Compassion, keeping the channels of communication open and a refusal to indulge exhortations of violence are the only way out of these situations. Reflecting on our own actions, in both India and Pakistan, should give us reason to pause. Do we want to be part of the mob baying for blood or part of the small crowd invoking peace and our common humanity? The choice is ours.