Remember how, back in school, there was always that one group of ‘cool’ kids we gravitated towards? We were just kids — tiny, hormonal bundles of awkwardness — but already trying to figure out where we belonged. There was something magnetic about those who were louder, more confident and more ‘visible.’ We thought if we stood close to them, maybe we’d catch a bit of their shine.

Underneath this swagger lay insecurity. The quieter kids were trying not to be forgotten. The louder lot was terrified of becoming invisible. Everyone was faking it — some better than the rest.

In the background of this middle-school theatre were our parents, carefully reviewing the list. They’d approve of some of our friends and give that slow, disapproving look at the others. Back then, it felt like unnecessary interference. But our parents knew something we didn’t yet: that our friends have qualities that are ‘infectious,’ so to say. We soak up behaviours, habits, even worldviews without even realising it. Over time, we shape ourselves to fit the energy around us. It’s less about peer pressure and more about peer osmosis. It appeared annoying then. It appears terrifyingly accurate now.

If you’re an adult who’s done any self-reflection, chances are you’ve already spotted the insecurities that made you chase certain people or personae. And it’s not really about fixing those insecurities. It’s about noticing which ones still call the shots, and whether that one voice in your head is truly you or just echoes of a group you once tried too hard to blend in with.

Turns out, our parents weren’t trying to ruin the party for us. They just didn’t want us to forget who we were becoming while trying to fit in. Because birds of a feather don’t just flock together; they start sounding alike, too.

Which brings me to something else I’ve come to believe: birds of a feather also fly together. That same childhood logic about peer influence applies just as much — if not more — to adult life. There’s a reason every self-help book, TED Talk and LinkedIn guru keeps repeating the advice: be mindful of who you spend your time with, not just because of their vibe, but also for direction.

If you want to build a business, sit with people who talk about ideas, not gossip. If you’re an artist, hang around people who obsess over brushstrokes, not brunch menus.

Your environment doesn’t just influence your mood; it shapes your momentum. I’ve felt this firsthand. Growing up, my older brother was a complete sports fanatic — the kind who pushed himself relentlessly, whether it was cricket, football or early morning jogs. I wasn’t naturally sporty — I could’ve easily ended up as the guy handing out water bottles on the sidelines. But just being around his drive gave me enough osmosis to step into the field myself. He didn’t just teach me how to be athletic; he showed me what discipline was like.

Fast forward to my thirties: I have found myself orbiting a new kind of energy: my friend Daud, who takes fitness religiously. This man runs 10 kilometres for fun, lifts like a machine and just started MMA training “for balance.” A solid 80 percent of our conversations are about workouts, recovery and why foam rolling is a love language.

To some, it might sound like the most boring hangout in the world, but for me it is fuel.

Daud recently roped me into a local 5K marathon. I was hesitant — my brain said no, my ego said, “what if you can’t finish;” and my legs were already filing a complaint. But I signed up anyway. And when I crossed that finish line — panting, sweating and smiling like a lunatic — it genuinely felt like I’d just flown. Not jogged, but flown.

So yes, goals matter. Discipline matters. But just as crucial is the company you keep. Because sometimes, when you can’t lift yourself, it’s your people who carry you forward. And before you know it — you’re ‘flying,’ too.

Shaafay Zia is an ex-serviceman and a freelancer. He can be reached at shaafayzia@gmail.com