itch the Disney happily for a moment (don’t worry, they’ll still get their castle). This is a grown-up conversation about love, not the kind fuelled by singing mice and talking wardrobes.

So, teenagers, shield your eyes — turns out Disney weddings are basically the highlight ‘reel’ of a relationship, not the whole movie. That rose-coloured-glasses phase is what we see in those stories. And to be honest, that’s what we chase in our lives, right? Even if you’re in a relationship, you keep chasing the sense of the honeymoon phase. Oh, what a feeling, to be honest; that initial spark, the tension and the butterflies, that burst of the emotion of acceptance and reciprocal love. It truly is a spring season for the heart; it’s in bloom.

There should be an adult edition of Disney as well, of how Cinderella and even Prince Charming navigate each other after the honeymoon phase. I know I sound like I’m painting a picture of disaster, debunking the Disney romance myth. On the contrary, I think what’s even more beautiful is how two individuals navigate being in each other’s life; that is the actual dance of romance and intimacy. Maybe if Disney started to romanticise the path of intimacy and mutual growth in a relationship, targeting the different attachment styles, there would be more awareness all around.

I’ve started looking at moments of highs and lows in a relationship through a different lens. Rather than getting defensive about something that I might’ve done to hurt the other person, I honestly initially feel loved, that that person firstly cares enough to have gotten hurt by me. What this does is, it motivates me to fix things, to see what I did that triggered that person (see how making it about them, rather than you, helps).

That’s the next step in a relationship; once you’ve matched on all other levels of affection and desire, you find compatibility. There are two ways to go about this crucial stage: either you make them walk the plank or work through the rough ends and cultivate a culture of compatibility. This is the dance of romance and intimacy that ‘actually’ draws you closer to the other person. And this is what true connection is: getting to know the rough edges of the other person and understanding their love language and boundaries.

Learning to love the other person, given their attachment style is where the true challenge lies. For the uninitiated, attachment styles are basically your relationship dance moves. Some folks swing wildly from needing constant reassurance to acting like they’re allergic to commitment. The rest are somewhere in between, maybe clinging a bit too tight one day and needing a solo adventure the next. It’s a hilarious mess, but hey, at least we’re all trying to find our rhythm.

The world makes you go through school, college and a degree or two before they give you a job. Do you think keeping a partner doesn’t require learning? Well, you need to school yourself. About them, that is.

Think of it as mastering the art of How to Love This Specific Human Being. But when you find that soft spot, of knowing how to handle the other person, knowing how they open up, and making yourself a safe and comfortable space for them to thrive in, where they have the assurance that you will always have their best interest in mind, and you’ll work together towards making things better for each other, that is an environment where relationships thrive.

Let this be my letter to Disney for making more movies about what really matters. They can paint Prince Charming as an anxious one (since he never got the attention of his busy parents) and Cinderella as an avoidant (who grew up without her real family). There are so many different types of attachment styles in this world, and to be honest, these are the labels I want in this world rather than a dozen sets of pronouns. Rather than asking someone their pronouns, we should ask their attachment style to navigate and love them better.

Shaafay Zia is an ex-serviceman and a freelancer. He can be reached at shaafayzia@gmail.com