here is this old, not-so-funny joke from the ‘80s, where a woman arrives in a Middle Eastern country to find two men fighting in their native language, including the use of some abusive words. Since the woman had only ever heard the language in a religious context, she covers her head and starts listening most respectfully. The joke was only funny in the ‘80s to the under-10 crowd. In the 2020s - and now that that crowd is under-50 - it is positively horrifying because we realize what the near-fatal consequences can be of not understanding a language fully.

Yes, reams and reams of words have spilled out following the incident in Lahore’s Ichra Market, but this is one of those times that we have to keep voicing how dangerous that incident and its implications were.

We already have established that Pakistan is a country that errs on the side of intolerance when it comes to not just women and minorities, which includes religious, ethnic, sectarian minorities, as well as anyone who doesn’t identify as cisgender and heterosexual. The aforementioned are better tolerated when they are neither heard nor seen, and that obviously is difficult to achieve, as they are human beings trying to live and function in civilized society.

Even when people, being mindful of their age or gender or religion or sect or orientation, try to assimilate into Pakistani society as quietly as possible, they find that they just can’t. Women definitely need to be prepared for at least visual assault as soon as they step out of their homes, and men need to either toe the masculine line as far as their appearance is concerned or be prepared for the same.

But what if one is toeing every line, and following every rule, but is still putting themselves at peril because of basic illiteracy and mob mentality?

You know how every new parent (perhaps yourself included) vows to never mess up their child the way their parents did them, but knows deep in their heart that they will eventually mess up the kid in their own special way? How about we replace ‘new parent’ with ‘new government’ and ‘child’ with ‘awam’ and suggest that this new government rear their new ‘children’ by setting in place basic literacy drives across the country with a focus on how to live harmoniously and non-violently when faced with things they aren’t familiar with or don’t understand? They can call it Nafees Noori Nastaleeq Taaleem, and we shall all give them full marks for it.

The woman wearing a top bearing the word ‘helwa’, which means beautiful, good, or sweet, possibly wasn’t expecting the almost-lynching she faced in Lahore. Let’s just assume that she believed that even if people weren’t fluent in Arabic, they would probably recognize the word as the Urdu halwa, which you know, we’ve all been seeing and consuming all our lives. Written calligraphically, the script is obviously Urdu, Arabic or Farsi, and the word is quite obvious too.

The woman in question was led away by the police, who later released a video statement in which the woman is also seen apologizing. This is where it gets really ridiculous. Are we going to have to apologize for the fact that someone else can’t read now? What if someone takes those awesome Lahori Ink tees to be offensive? Will we never be allowed to say ‘mein baaghi hoon’ on our shirts anymore? We can’t wear the ‘na dhola hosi na rola hosi’ tee, because not everyone in Pakistan understands Punjabi? To avoid future confusion, will every word of Urdu/Arabic/Persian script have to be written in Noori Nastaleeq, which quite frankly is just the most pedestrian font ever?

Here is a new non-joke for the under-and-over-50s: you know how every new parent (perhaps yourself included) vows to never mess up their child the way their parents did them, but knows deep in their heart that they will eventually mess up the kid in their own special way? How about we replace ‘new parent’ with ‘new government’ and ‘child’ with ‘awam’ and suggest that this new government rear their new ‘children’ by setting in place basic literacy drives across the country with a focus on how to live harmoniously and non-violently when faced with things they aren’t familiar with or don’t understand? They can call it Nafees Noori Nastaleeq Taaleem, and we shall all give them full marks for it.