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You
By You Desk
Tue, 07, 22

I want compatibility, which I have with R. What can I do to make my mother change her mind about R?

Letters

Dear Professor,

I am a 37-year-old bachelor. I have been earning for a decade now, and am well-settled. I started working early because of my father’s death. I was in my final year of medicine and I started giving tuitions and also worked as receptionist in a hospital for two hours to support my family. What I am trying to explain is that I worked very hard and managed to put my two siblings through college who are now both professionals and married. I, on the other hand, am still unmarried. The reason is that no girl is good enough for me as far as my mother is concerned. I have to confess that when my mother started looking for a girl for me and told me she would find the most beautiful girl in the country for me, I wasn’t displeased. I was 31 at that time, and not mature enough to realise that a marriage cannot succeed just on looks. I saw many beautiful girls I really liked, but my mother was not satisfied. I am now fed-up of this process of rejecting girl after girl for petty reasons. I don’t know how to convince her to stop treating girls like cattle for sale. I once tried, but she started crying and I had to back off. I like my colleague, R, and want to marry her. The problem is that she is just a normal, average looking girl with a great sense of humour and a greater heart. I can talk with her on any topic and we understand each other very well. I gave R’s picture to my sister and asked her to show it to my mother. My mother went ballistic when she saw the picture. She was very harsh with my sister and told her that for her very handsome son she will not settle for anything but perfection. I am very upset. My colleague cannot wait for me indefinitely, as she is 34. I want to clarify one thing: we are not in love with each other; we like and respect each other. I know my mother has had a tough time after my father’s death and she has sacrificed a lot for us. I don’t want to break her heart by imposing my will on her, but I don’t want to lose R. I just know that I am a mature person who doesn’t want to marry a beauty without a brain. I want compatibility, which I have with R. What can I do to make my mother change her mind about R?

Reluctant Bachelor

Dear Reluctant Bachelor,

Most mothers in our society, unfortunately, are like your mother, but your mother has taken this perfection thing to another level. It seems your mother has been looking for a girl for six years now, and may not find this diamond of the first water she is looking for. If you don’t take matters into your own hands, you will lose R. As you pointed out, R’s parents will not wait for you indefinitely. Talk to your mother and explain to her that you have found someone you want to marry. Don’t be scared about hurting your mother’s feelings; if you give in now, you will lose R, and may not find someone with whom you have such great compatibility. Your mother will try to make you change your mind, but remain firm in your resolve and get both your siblings to speak in your favour. It’s your happiness that is at stake, so make it clear to your mother that if she wants you to have a happy married life, she must accept R as her daughter-in-law. Good luck!