I am a 19-year-old girl. I have known for some time that my father, who is 58-years-old, cheats on my mother. He is a great father, husband, son and brother. He looks after my mother very well. My mother is a very caring and obedient wife. She is very loyal and sincere to my father, but my father is not true to her. I saw him with a woman some time back. He was having ice cream with her. Then, my mother, sister and I saw them together having lunch when we went shopping one day. My mother knows that woman. She told us that that woman is married with teenaged children of her own and is the wife of my father’s colleague. I feel that he should realise that he is old now, and has grown up children. I cannot talk to him about this because I am his daughter and feel shy about taking up this subject with him. My sister and I caught him taking interest in other women many times at wedding and other functions. I cannot see my mum in pain. She cries a lot. We cannot discuss this with my maternal aunt or grandmother as it would destroy my father’s impression. I wonder what sort of a woman destroys other people's home... We have thought about talking to that woman, but are afraid of our father. We even thought about telling my eldest brother who is married and lives in a different city, but my mother is afraid he would fight with my father. Due to this situation the environment of our home has become bad. And because of this reason my own views about getting married are not positive. What if after getting married one cannot have a faithful husband? Help me out by providing good and useful solutions.
Dear Dejected Daughter,
I can understand your anguish, and commend you for being a caring and loving daughter. However, it is your mother who should speak to your father about this matter. If it’s the wife of a colleague, may be there was some other reason for your father seeing her. Also, if your father is in the habit of checking out other women on functions it does not mean he is unfaithful to your mother. Almost all men do that, without meaning any harm. It doesn’t mean that they are desperate characters; it is simply an instinctive reaction. Don’t condemn your father on such intangible basis. You should also not judge all men on the basis of your father’s trek record. Just like all women are not chaste, in the same way all men are also not cheats. If things are problematic between your parents, they should discuss their problems. Your mother can convey your concerns to your father. If you feel that you need to talk to your father about this issue you can muster your courage and explain to him that you are tense because of the environment in the house and would be very happy if he did something to make it congenial. You said he is a good father, so I am sure that once he realises how upset you are he would take steps to address your fears. Good luck
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