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By You Desk
Tue, 11, 18

I am a 28-year-old girl and I am a banker by profession. I am the youngest among my five siblings......

Dear Nadine,

I am a 28-year-old girl and I am a banker by profession. I am the youngest among my five siblings, who are all married. I am my father’s pet and no proposal is good enough for me. He wants someone who is perfect for me, and keeps refusing proposals on superficial grounds. He rejected one proposal because the guy had just completed his education, and his salary was not handsome. Then the next guy was shown the door because he was well-settled but eight years my senior. Nadine, I don’t care for looks or financial security, because looks are something God granted, and hard work is always rewarded. I want someone who is educated and decent, but it’s not enough for my father. I love my father very much and don’t want to hurt his feelings, but the way things are, very soon I will be in my thirties and stop getting proposals - and die an old maid.

So far I have not said anything but after the rejection of the last proposal, my eldest sister advised me to take the matters in my own hands. So, I started looking around and realised that a very decent colleague is interested in me. He is educated, and the age difference between us is also just right. The problem is that he has three unmarried sisters and he is responsible for them as his father died some years ago. Two of his sisters work in good companies and the youngest is still in university. I know that my father will reject him on the ground that he has too many responsibilities. I know this because it has happened before, but at that time my heart was not involved. I am afraid I have developed very strong feelings for this guy, and want to be married to him, no matter what! I am desperately worried and don’t quite know how to break it to my father. And, if he still says no, should I just go ahead and marry the person I love and break my father’s heart? Please solve this problem for me.

Distressed Banker

Dear Distressed Banker,

All parents want their daughters to marry well, but at times they fail to take some ground realities into account. As a result, they turn away good proposals when the age of the girl is right, and are forced to accept the proposals that are not very suitable when she crosses early thirties. Your father wants to do well for you, but should realise that time is indeed fleeting. You will have to speak up if you want to marry the person you want. Talk to your mother and sisters, and tell them about that guy you like. Ask them to communicate what you want to your father. Also, ask your mother to explain to your father that you don’t want perfection in your husband because it’s only God who is perfect. Compromises have to be made in order to have a good life; a well-settled and educated guy cannot be very young, and your father should be made aware of this little fact. And, if you don’t settle for a little less now, you may have to settle for a lot less in future. So, do istikhara and be firm against the opposition you probably expect. Before this you have never challenged your father’s will, so it will be tough for you to take the pressure, but for the sake of your future you should not give in. Pray to God for help, and be prepared to fight for your right. Hopefully, your father would accept this proposal. If he doesn’t, you should exercise your right and get married to him. Best of luck!

Problems that need a solution? You can e mail Prof. Nadine Khan at adinekhan_34@yahoo.com

Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, ­c/o Editor ‘You!’ magazine, The News, Al-Rehman Building (4th Floor) I.I Chundrigar Road, Karachi.