My best friend has changed
I am 22 years old. I am studying in an engineering university. This is our last semester. I simply love your column. Guru, I have a best friend, H. I am very close to him. We are childhood friends and we grew up together. H is having an affair with B. Both are madly in love with each other and they recently got engaged. I am happy for my friend, but I am not fond of his fiancée as she is a high-headed and moody girl. Initially, I was very jealous but then I accepted his fiancée. Now, the problem is that his fiancée does not seem to like me. She says that because of me she cannot develop an understanding with H. Well, I am not the sort who would like to come between two lovebirds. I don’t like her attitude. Before H’s engagement, he used to go with me everywhere, but now he hardly asks me to go out with him. I am so amazed at his changed behaviour. I don’t know how to deal with this situation. I am so disheartened.
Dear Dejected Leo,
I think you haven’t accepted your best friend’s engagement. You need to realise that he has entered a new phase of his life. All new relationships demand more time. Let them develop understanding. Right now, your friend is deeply in love and he is totally obsessed with his fiancée. He hasn’t changed; actually, you are the one who has to accept the reality. If you don’t really want to spoil their relationship, simply stay away. Just distance yourself from H gradually. As far as B is concerned, try to be civil with her. She is H’s choice, so it is better to accept her the way she is. Give some space to H and concentrate on your own life. I am sure you have other friends, too, so try to spend more time with them. Don’t worry; once he gets married, he will come back to his normal ways. Let him enjoy this courtship period. Good luck!
How can I persuade my parents?
I am a 19-year-old girl. I belong to a well-to-do family. I am a bright student and I have done pre-medical with distinction in Biology. It is my favourite subject and I want to become a marine biologist, as I am very much interested in studying the interactions of marine plants and animals with coastal areas and the atmosphere. I want to do BS and then I have plans to take admission in Institute of Marine Science at Karachi University. But sadly, my parents don’t want me to do so. They want me to do MBBS. Since both of them are doctors, they want me to become one too. I am their only daughter and they have high hopes from me. I don’t want to disappoint them but I cannot study something which I am not interested in. Both my parents are very rigid. They have threatened me that they will not pay for my expenses if I don’t listen to them. Right now, I am financially dependent on my parents and cannot continue my studies without their support. Guru, becoming a marine biologist is my passion. Tell me, how can I persuade my parents?
Dear Marine Girl,
I fail to understand why parents don’t realise the real potential or talent of their children and why they keep pressurising their kids to do what they want them to do. I am not talking about doting parents, but about those who don’t care about their kids’ feelings and who think that they own their children. Sadly, your parents fall into the latter category. If you want to study marine biology, then it is your prerogative but one cannot neglect the practical aspect. Since you are living with your parents you need their approval and financial support. Now, you have to choose the middle path and be very diplomatic with your parents. Try to convince them very politely and gently; do not be disrespectful. Tell them that you will do whatever they like but they must allow you to study marine biology. In this regard, you can take help of your uncle or aunt (whoever is close to your parents). In any case, don’t lose heart and keep a positive outlook. Hopefully your parents will give you permission when they see how passionate you are about marine biology. Good luck!
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