I think about my aunt’s son and literally have panic attacks. What should I do?
Dear Nadine Khan,
I am a 29-year-old doctor. I am not beautiful, but not unattractive either. My problem is that I am somewhat overweight, because of which I am not getting a good proposal. Nadine, you won’t believe it, but my aunt brought the proposal of her Matriculate son. When my parents pointed out the difference in our educational background, she told them that because I am fat, I will die an old maid, and I should be thankful that her son agreed to marry me. Since that day, I have been very depressed. And, because of depression my weight has also increased. I want to lose weight and I know exactly how to do it, but I don’t have the will. I have started having mood swings and I often cry without any reason. I think about my aunt’s son and literally have panic attacks. What should I do?
Depressed Girl
Dear Depressed Girl,
Mean-spirited people like your aunt abound in our society. You seem to have allowed her to get under your skin although you should have ignored her. Your aunt probably wanted to pressurise your parents to accept the most unsuitable proposal of her son because she wanted to secure his future by getting him married to a doctor. When your parents didn’t accept the proposal, she lashed out because she wanted to hurt you. Don’t let her succeed, by giving in to depression. You must go for treatment, so consult a good psychiatrist and get treatment as soon as possible. The treatment usually takes time, so be persistent. Don’t think about your aunt’s meanness, and concentrate on your health. Try to get some exercise every day and eat healthy. Count your calories instead of refraining to eat things you like all together. Very soon you will lose weight and feel like a new person. Good luck!
Dear Nadine Khan,
I am a 66-year-old widowed woman. I have two sons and a daughter. My husband died when my eldest son was just 18, and my younger son and daughter were 16 and 14 years of age respectively. I was teaching at a prestigious school and was able to take care of my children as we had our own house, and the amount I got after my husband’s death was enough to take care of my children’s higher education. God has blessed me with the most affectionate and obedient children in the world. I live with my eldest son’s family, and my younger son works in UAE. Six years ago, my children persuaded me to take retirement, although according to the policy of the school I was employed with, I could have worked for another ten years, as I was and still am physically fit. I got a decent amount as my provident fund when I left school, and distributed it among my three children. I know I am blessed, but I have this strange feeling of depression because I feel dependent on my children for my needs. It’s not a good feeling and I don’t know how to cope with it. I feel awkward asking my son to get anything from the market, although before leaving for work he always asks me if I want something. Both my sons give me an allowance monthly, but I feel bad using it and spend it on my grandchildren. I talked to my sister about my feelings and she said I was going mad. I can’t explain to anyone that I feel useless. Initially, I thought I would get over this feeling but it’s been five years and I still feel that I should have continued to work. Every day I sit in front of my desktop and look at the monitor for hours, and my sister thinks I need therapy. What should I do?
Retired and Useless
Dear Retired but Not Useless,
You worked hard your entire life and God has blessed you with very good children who appreciate what you did for them. There are many old people whose children don’t give them their due regard once the parents become dependent on them, so you are indeed blessed. You feel depressed because you have worked all your life and now you don’t know what to do with the free time at your disposal. Your feeling of depression is understandable, because in our country people do not plan for their retirement. Once they quit working, they have time but not the slightest idea of what to do with it.
You are an educated lady, and can do a lot to while away the hours in a pleasant and practical manner. You could help your grandchildren with their studies, do cooking or even take up a hobby. If you have a garden, try to spend some time with the plants; they are very soothing company, and will leave you refreshed. If you don’t have a garden, taking care of potted plants would also be therapeutic. My dear, this is your time to enjoy your life. You took care of your children when they needed you, and now it is their turn to look after you, so don’t feel bad about being dependent on them. Watch TV, read books and talk to your relatives on phone. Make up for everything you didn’t have time for when you were working. Spend some time with God daily and thank Him for blessing you with good children and a good retired life. Best of luck!
Problems that need a solution? You can e-mail Prof. Nadine Khan at nadinekhan_34yahoo.com
Write to Prof. Nadine Khan, c/o Editor “You!” magazine, The News, Al-Rehman Building (5th Floor) I.I. Chundrigar Road, Karachi.