Hayden Panettiere shared:' I never had the feeling that I wanted to harm my child, but I didn’t want to spend any time with her'
Hollywood actor Hayden Panettiere has recently detailed her past struggles with alcohol addiction and postpartum depression after the birth of her daughter, Kaya.
The Nashville actress tells People magazine that she was just 15 when someone on her team gave her “happy pills” ahead of press events to “make [her] peppy during interviews.”
“I had no idea that this was not an appropriate thing, or what door that would open for me when it came to my addiction,” she tells the magazine in a cover story interview Wednesday.
After landing another starring role on Nashville and welcoming daughter Kaya with ex Wladimir Klitschko, Panettiere struggled with postpartum depression, which she’s previously been open about.
“I never had the feeling that I wanted to harm my child, but I didn’t want to spend any time with her,” says Panettiere. “There was just this gray color in my life.”
Amid her struggles with addiction, Panettiere decided in 2018 to send Kaya to live with Klitschko in Ukraine. “It was the hardest thing I ever had to do,” she says. “But I wanted to be a good mom to her — and sometimes that means letting them go.”
Panettiere entered rehab, undergoing both trauma therapy and inpatient treatment, and credits that time for helping her “get over the hump” of her addiction, but she says it was only recently that she’s found gratitude.
“It’s an everyday choice, and I’m checking in with myself all the time,” she says. “But I’m just so grateful to be part of this world again, and I will never take it for granted again.”
Nashville ended its six-season run on ABC in 2018. Panettiere is currently filming Scream 6, which will see her reprising her role as survivor Kirby Reed.