My dreams are shattered
Salam Guru,
I am 31 years old, but my love story started when I was 18. At that time, I was was studying in college. My class fellow, who was 19, really liked me and fell in love with me. Since we were both very young and he was not settled, we couldn’t get married.
Then he moved to the UK for higher studies. He tried to settle down there and get the nationality, but couldn’t succeed. Then he moved to Ireland, and after 10 years he became a legal resident there.
During this time, he told his parents about me, but they refused to accept me because of our differnt ethnic backgrounds. We lost contact for some time but then last month, when he came to Pakistan, he reached out to me again and said that his parents had no issues anymore, and they were willing to accept me as their daughter-in-law. I was very happy and told my parents about this new development.
His parents came to my house with his proposal. My parents accepted and a date for engagement was set.
Guru, this happened some time ago. After a couple of days my parents tried to contact them, but recieved no answer. When I called him, he said that his mother has again done a U-turn. According to her, I am quite old and may not be able to produce a child after marriage.
His mother’s response has broken my heart, Guru. Now when he is financially stable, it seems his mother has come up with yet another reason to reject me.
Guru, I am 31 and cannot marry anyone else. I have wasted my golden years in the hope that he would marry me one day but now all my dreams are shattered. I have stopped talking to him. I don’t know what to do now.
Confused Girl
Dear Confused Girl,
I had to edit your very long letter for clarity (as we have limited space). Dear, when you both fell in love with each other, you were teenagers. However, you are both now adults. The guy is 32 and you are 31. You can both take your own decisions. The guy is financially stable and he should take a stand for you. Don’t get disheartened, when you have waited for such a long time; fight for your love. His mother is from the old school of thought, she said what she deemed fit. You should not give up so easily. Don’t stop talking to him. In fact, call him and tell him to persuade his parents.
Enough is enough: you have given your 100 percent in this relationship and now you need a solid commitment. The fact that the guy is also still unmarried reveals that he also loves you. It’s just that both of you have to muster courage to stand up for each other. Despite your best efforts, if nothing happens then accept it as your fate. You just cannot fight against your destiny. So, don’t lose heart in any situation. These days a lot of girls do get married in their 30s and they also have children. So, don’t worry about that. Good luck!
I am apprehensive about my friend
Dear Guru,
I am a 20-year-old college going girl. I am in my final year (B.A). My problem is related to my best friend T. I was very close to her and I used to share all my secrets with her. But then something happened and we broke up. Now, we hardly talk to each other. Guru, I am afraid that she may tell my secrets to others. It may ruin my reputation. She knows my weaknesses. I am so scared. I don’t know what to do.
Worried Friend
Dear Terrified Friend,
I think you are worried unnecessarily. I don’t think T will spread rumours about you. Even if she spreads rumours against you there is nothing much you can do except to ignore them. And in any case rumours die themselves so don’t worry. And one thing more, if she has your secrets then you also must have known about her weaknesses too. And if you choose to remain quiet then she will also do the same. Having said that please be very careful in future while choosing your friends. Good luck!
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