COMIC RELIEF
* If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade at any time of the year.
* All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
* It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
* The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
* If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition – even if you haven’t been carrying any before now.
* You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
* Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. Even a bad German accent will do.
* The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
* When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
* Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
* Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
* Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
* The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective – or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
* A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
Dad is down at the auto dealership, looking at potential choices.
“Cargo space?” he asks.
The salesman, slightly confused, finally replies, “Car no do that... car go road.”