I am facing a tough situation
Salam Guru,
I am a 27-year-old bachelor, and I work in a private organisation. I belong to a middle-class family. I earn pretty well and am ready to settle down. I have a girlfriend, Z, and I want to marry her, but she is not ready to marry me at the moment. She says she loves me, but needs few more years. Actually, Z has two older sisters who are not married. Her parents will not consider any proposal for her until they get married. Z says that she cannot go against her parents. Guru, I am in a tough situation as my parents are pressurising me to get engaged to my cousin, R. Z is not willing to take any step for me and I cannot wait for her indefinitely. On the other hand, I don’t want to break Z’s heart by marrying my cousin. I really don’t know what to do.
Gentleman in Love
Dear Gentleman in Love,
I can understand your predicament, young man; you cannot wait for Z all your life but since you love her and are serious about her, try to convince her to talk to her parents. Z is in a tough spot because it is not easy for a girl to go against her parents. Can Z ask any aunt of hers to intercede for her? Maybe if some elder from her family speaks to her parents and explain to them that nowadays no one waits for older daughters to get married first if there is a good proposal for the younger one. If they don’t agree, you will be left with no choice but to move on. You don’t want to hurt her, but you have to decide for your own peace of mind. I know it will be a tough decision but, dear, you cannot wait indefinitely for her. Good luck!
My mother is suspicious of me
Hi Guru,
I am a 21-year-old medical student. I study in co-education and I have many female friends, but no girlfriend. I belong to a well-educated and well-off family. My father is quite liberal but my mother is old-fashioned. She is very loving and caring, but she is suspicious of me. She thinks that I am having an affair with one of the girls I study with. I have told her many times that they are all my friends but she does not believe me. She refuses to accept that girls and boys can just be friends. Guru, I am in a tricky situation. My mother does not trust me. Sometimes I really get irritated by my mother’s unnecessary questions and interference in my life but since she is my mother, I don’t say anything and stay quiet out of respect. Guru, how can I make her understand that if I am friendly with girls, it does not mean I am a flirt. I don’t want to hurt her but, at the same time, I am also losing my mind by her constant interrogations. What should I do?
Irritated Boy
Dear Irritated Boy,
I can understand your irritation but you need to calm down. Your mother is old-fashioned and was conditioned to think in a certain way. Generally, people assume that if a boy is friendly with a girl, there is something going on between them. Our social setup allows very little room for healthy relationships to nurture. Since your heart and mind is clear, you don’t need to worry about anything. Of course, it’s really upsetting for you that your mother questions your friendship with your class fellows, but just be patient and don’t get worked up. It’s good that you give your mother her due respect and don’t lose your temper. Try to deal with your mother with logic and reason, and don’t feel bad about her interrogations. She will soon realise that you are not having an affair with anyone, and will stop asking you irritating questions. Be patient. Best of luck!
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