Dear Nadine,
I am a 30-year-old married woman. I have two children and we live in Dubai. I have been married for four years. When I got married, my husband was estranged from his family. Actually, he wanted to marry a girl his family did not like. The parents of that girl refused to wait indefinitely for my husband to convince his parents and accepted another proposal for her. My husband loved the girl so much that he couldn’t stay in the same city, and through a friend managed to get a job in Dubai. I met him at a party and we sort of clicked. We started seeing each other and after a year, he proposed to me. My parents wanted to speak to his parents and very candidly he told them the whole story. By the way, I already knew it, but had not told my parents. He said he had not seen his parents for three years and did not want them to be involved with his marriage in any way. My parents did not like this situation but I convinced them and we got married in Dubai only. No one from his family attended our wedding. My husband never talks about his parents, but a two months ago he met his niece, M, in a mall. M is his sister’s married daughter who also lives in Dubai. It seems she is very attached to him as my husband and M are almost of the same age. Now they are in constant communication. They message and talk to each other almost daily, and my husband calls M and her husband every week to our house for dinner. M seems nice, and I personally have no ill feelings or whatsoever against her, but I sometime feel disturbed. I think her constant messaging is an interference in my private life with my husband. Nadine, I have dedicated my life to my husband. I talk to my parents in his absence and visit them not more than two to three times in a month because I don’t want my family to be disturbed or neglected. My husband loves me and is very considerate towards my needs, but now I feel that my husband loves his niece more than me. Should I ask husband to limit his messages to her? I don’t want to annoy him or fight with him. It is not at all my intention to stop my husband to talk, meet or exchange messages with his family but this daily messages is hurting me too. By the way, his niece is in Dubai for two years. After that, she will move to Australia. Please advise me as soon as possible.
Neglected Wife
Dear Neglected Wife,
Your husband has not been in touch with his family for almost seven years. It’s no wonder that when he met his niece he reconnected at once. My dear, even if he doesn’t meet his parents, he most certainly loves them and his other family members. He was hurt when that girl he loved got married and his angst made him leave his city. After that, it was just his ego – and his parents’, of course – that kept him away from his family.
Did you ever try to bring about reconciliation between your husband and his parents? It would have been nice on your part to reach out to them, but that obviously didn’t happen. Now that your husband has reconnected with his niece, he is probably missing his parents and other family members. That is why he messages her and calls her once a week to dinner. It isn’t invasion of privacy at all; just a man yearning for his blood relatives making the most out of his chance meeting with his niece. Instead of resenting it, you should be happy for him. It is true that you have dedicated your life to your husband and children, but you have the option of meeting your family whenever you want. You talk to your parents in the absence of your husband because you want to give him your undivided attention, but that is your own decision. Your husband hasn’t told you not to talk to your family in his presence. So, please consider these things and don’t make a mountain out of the molehill. Be big-hearted and let him enjoy the company of his niece. If possible, ask his niece to try and bring about reconciliation between your husband and his family. Your husband would appreciate it, and his regard for you would increase. Good luck!