COMIC RELIEF
* I’m going to open a restaurant that only serves crabs and pizza.
I’ll call it the Crust Station.
* What do you call a fake pizza?
A pepperphony pizza.
* What’s the difference between a good pizza joke and a bad one?
The delivery.
* How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
* Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
* Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough.
* If pizza could talk, what would it say?
Probably lots of cheesy things.
* I fell asleep with a pizza in the oven today.
Burned 2000 calories.
* A mummified macaroni pizza was uncovered in Italy today.
The man who uncovered it says, “It’s a pizza of our pasta.”
* Why did the hipster burn his mouth while eating his pizza?
He ate it way before it was cool.
* What type of person doesn’t like pizza?
A weir-dough.
* Why did the man cut his pizza with a smartphone?
It’s cutting edge technology.
The homeowner was delighted with the way the electrician had done all the work on his house. “You did a great job.” he said and handed the man a cheque. “Also, in order to thank-you, here’s an extra £80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie.” Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the electrician. Thinking the electrician had forgotten something the man asked, “What’s the matter, did you forget something?” “Nope.” replied the electrician. “I’m just here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked.”
Four surgeons are discussing who makes the best type of surgery patient.
The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded.”
The third surgeon says, “No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers ~ they seem to understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would.”