How can I help my friend?
Salam Guru,
I am a regular reader of your column and I love the way you solve others’ problem. Last time I wrote to you regarding my college issue and this time I am here with a friend's issue.
Guru, I have an online friend who is like a brother to me. Recently, he found out that his father was cheating on his mother. It was a shocking news for him and now he is extremely depressed. He doesn't like talking about it and also doesn't want to tell his mother about it because he thinks it will destroy his family. Please tell me how I can help him because he has always helped me through thick and thin. I don't want to see him so depressed and in pain. I am so worried for my friend.
MF
Dear MF,
I really appreciate your concern for your friend but, dear, this is his family matter. Good friends respect each other’s privacy. If he doesn’t want to talk about his problem with anyone, then let it be. He must be feeling embarrassed talking about his father’s extra-marital affair, so it’s understandable why he is not talking to anyone about this issue.
I advise you to stay away from this matter. Dear, you cannot just intrude into his family matters unless he asks you for your advice. When he himself comes to terms with the reality, I am sure he will discuss it with you. Till then, be patient and try to cheer him up by engaging him in some delightful activities that can divert his mind like listening to music or watching TV or hanging out with friends. All the best.
I am under pressure
Hi Guru,
I am a 22-year-old student, doing MBBS from a reputed medical college. People envy my life as I am blessed with good brains and a loving family. My father earns well and he has provided me with all the material comforts one could ask for. But Guru, I am not happy. Actually, this is not something that I want to do. I never wanted to study medicine but I was forced to take this profession. My father has invested a lot on my education and has high hopes from me. There is so much pressure on me to deliver and frankly speaking I am just sick and tired of this mundane routine where I have to behave like a good girl and study all the time. However, I can’t tell my parents what I actually want. They never bothered to ask me about my preference. Everybody has expectations from me since I am so bright in studies. Guru, I want to enjoy life; I don’t want to become a doctor. I feel I cannot live up to their expectations. I don’t want to embarrass my parents. What should I do?
Helpless Girl
Dear Helpless Girl,
I can understand your predicament but look at the bright side of the picture. You are going to become a doctor in a year’s time and you can have your professional degree. If you back out now, then all these years of hard work years of yours will be wasted. So, think with an open mind. You are young and smart, and have all the facilities in life. You must thank God for having a loving and caring family.
You can enjoy life after getting your degree. I have seen so many doctors who change their profession afterwards and do not practice medicine. You can opt for CSS exams or pursue whatever you like if you don’t want to practice. But right now, you just cannot leave your studies in the middle.
And if you are bored with your routine then it’s better to talk to your parents about it rather than sulking in silence. Unless you share your thoughts with them, how would they know that their daughter is under pressure? I advice you to take little breaks from your studies in order to ease your mind. It’s good that you don’t want to disappoint your parents, it shows that you care about them. Believe me a little sacrifice of your time and freedom today will give you a lot more in return tomorrow. Good luck!
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