COVER STORY
“When are you getting married?”
“Have you found the perfect one?”
“When will you settle down?”
All these nosy questions, coming from our relatives and friends make us think if getting married is really a girl’s only goal in life. We all talk about the “right time” of doing things when it comes to women’s life. Society has all kinds of concerns: where should you stand in your career? When should you meet your future husband? How old should you be at the time of marriage? When one should start a family?
When women reach their twenties, the pressure to “settle down” increases, and if a woman turns 30 without a proposal, people will make her feel as if she has missed her chance of marrying someone suitable. If we look at our desi culture, there have been countless memes made on how desi parents try to pressurize their children to get married. We all know how annoying it is to see overly enthusiastic mothers, grandmothers, and aunts rush to weddings to select “appropriate” grooms for their unmarried daughters.
A 22-year-old university going girl shares her thoughts on the pressure of getting engaged or married because her sister just got married, “The only thing my relatives and friends are concerned about is when I was getting married now. I constantly get to hear: when is my turn?” Even the parents start to think this way and eventually emotionally blackmail their daughters to get married. Parents should understand that just because the neighbours’ daughter is getting married, one should also pressurize their daughter to get married. We should all understand everyone has their own way of living; our goals and aspiration differ from one another.
In some cases, it is not just the family that is pressurizing you to marry, but it is also your office colleagues who build up that pressure.
A woman shares her experience, “Can you imagine people at your workspace discussing why delaying marriage is a bad decision? I constantly get to hear if I don’t get married now, I will never be able to get married. They also give some unwanted tips: you should lose some weight or you should look for someone in your circle.”
Sadly, in our society, there is a double standard for men and women when it comes to marriage and age. Men are frequently advised to wait until they are ready to marry — when they are mature, financially stable, established in their careers, and confident in their own skin. Women, on the other hand, are not given the same opportunity.
A lot of girls also fear that after marriage, building a career would be difficult. And then finding a loving and understanding partner is not less than a nightmare for so many girls out there.
A young girl who has gone through a tough phase in her life shares her story of a toxic relationship and how she took a stand for herself: “I got married when I was 22 years old. It was an arranged marriage. He used to live in a foreign country. Throughout our relationship, he used to make fun of me and take me for granted. My feelings and emotions had no value for him; all he wanted me to do was obey his orders blindly. I tried my best to make him happy! I changed myself for him, but all he used to do was humiliate me in whatever ways he could. My physical and mental health began to deteriorate. A year later, I decided to tell my family about this toxic relationship and that I wanted to end this relationship. I just filed a case against him and my family supported me. Thankfully, I was able to get out of that relationship. Here is a piece of advice for all the girls out there: don’t let societal pressure ruin your beautiful life. It is better to live alone than to stay in an abusive relationship all your life. Be with someone who can value you and your efforts.”
Also, getting married is not the only pressure, but to stay in that relationship without breaking the stereotypical rules of our society is yet another task. There is nothing wrong with getting married and starting a new chapter of your life. It is great to see couples living happily. Some girls decide to marry early and that is completely okay; as far as girls make their own decision without any societal pressure, they can choose to be anything they want. If they choose to be homemakers or they decide to pursue different careers, they shouldn’t be judged. They also need some space and time to achieve their goals and take decisions accordingly.
Women should be allowed to let life experiences shape their personalities before they decide to marry someone. They should be given time to put their careers and personal development first because no matter what anyone says, marriage is a commitment for life. It takes time, patience, maturity and a lot of hard work. And developing self-confidence and assertiveness will certainly help women in building better relationships.
From a young age, the importance of loving oneself and experiencing happiness should be taught. Everyone’s mental health must be acknowledged and given priority. While focusing on building relationships, you should also learn to be content with yourself regardless of whether you have someone or not. Your relationship with yourself should always come first.
Marriage is an important aspect of life, but it is not everything. People want to settle down at some point in life and start a family but they need to learn that whatever is written for us will find its way. There are a lot of people around us who get married at an early age; there are also people who struggle to find a suitable life partner; and then some have to deal with separation or divorce. Every single person out there has their own stories and experiences. You cannot compare your life’s first chapter to someone’s last. It’s all about the timings, so no need to rush for things that are not in our control.