My best friend has betrayed me
Dear Guru,
I am a 17-year-old boy. I am studying in college and live in my college hostel. The college was affiliated with the school where I studied. There, I made a friend, S, who was really close to me. We were studying together since we were in school; you could say we grew up together. We used to share our secrets. In fact, he knew all about my siblings, family, relatives, etc. I treated him as a brother. He also used to tell me about his personal life. Then it was time to say goodbye to my best friend as his father wanted him to study in another college. When he was leaving, we both were very sad. I cried and begged him to stay but he said that he couldn’t refuse his father. He promised that he would be in touch with me. Initially it was very tough for me to stay without him but as time passed, I became used to living without him.
But, Guru, in the past two years his behaviour with me has changed drastically and it really hurts me. When I went to my home in my summer break and met him, he gave me a cold shoulder. There was no warmth in him, though he said he missed me. Now, I have come to know that he spread rumours about me and disclosed my dark secrets to my other friends. I am very confused and depressed, and don’t know what to do. Can you please help? I read your columns and they are always helpful.
Betrayed
Dear Betrayed,
I don’t blame you for being so upset. It really hurts when your best buddy deceives you. But, my dear, it’s all part of growing up. When you are young, you are very emotional and naive but as you grow, you gain maturity and with maturity you understand things better. These are your learning years where you come across people like S. Actually, you cannot really blame S also for behaving indifferently. People change with time. Maybe he has made some other friends and is not interested in being friends with you any longer. What’s more, he wasn’t even sincere with you; otherwise, he would never have shared your dark secrets with others. I advise you to forget about him and get on with your life. These are your wonder years which you should not waste thinking about selfish friend of yours. There shouldn’t be any confusion now. And a word of advice: don’t share your dark secrets with any one in future even if he is your best friend as you never know when best friends turn into enemies. Good luck!
I am confused about our relationship
Hi Guru,
I have been in a steady relationship for eight years. When our affair started, we were in university. We both told each other about our exes and we were okay with that. Our initial years were very romantic – there was trust, happiness, bonding, laughter, sharing, etc. Then cracks started to appear in our relationship. About three years back I found some secret messages in her phone; when I asked her, she confessed that she was talking to her ex-boyfriend and apologised. I excused her but after some time same thing happened. I was flabbergasted but again I forgave her. Now, it has happened again. Guru, this time I am really furious. I am seriously thinking about our future. I am still struggling and I am not in a position to marry her right now. On the other hand, she wants to settle down soon. She says she loves me but now I have serious doubts about her. I am under a lot of stress. I cannot trust her any more. What should I do?
Man in Trouble
Dear Man in Trouble,
Eight years is a long period to judge your partner’s intentions or personality. You are in a tricky situation. You just cannot leave your steady girlfriend on the basis of suspicion. I understand that what she did was truly uncalled for, she should not have talked with her ex secretly but then she has been waiting for you for eight years. By this time, you should have been able to stand on your feet, and propose to her formally. Instead of getting angry and having serious thoughts about your relationship, why don’t you sit with her and talk to her frankly? What does she want? If she wants to be in a relationship, then she has to mend her ways or else she may quit. But give her a choice before taking any drastic step. Good luck!
Kindly send your problems at: trustusproblemsgmail.com