Hello Professor,
I am a 25-year-old rape victim. The perpetrator was my paternal uncle, and I was 11 years of age and that time. After this incident, my parents moved from my grandparents’ house as my grandmother refused to believe me and said my mother had made me lie to pit her sons against each other. I have not been able to live a normal life since then. I hate the concept of marrying because I feel tarnished. Besides, my parents never tell the matchmakers what happened to me. I don’t want to deceive anyone. I am damaged goods and feel my parents should tell what happened to me clearly to avoid complications later on. My mother says I was too young at that time and it was not my fault, so there is no need to tell anyone. They are considering a proposal seriously nowadays and have told me strictly not to go behind their back and inform the guy like I did before, but I will feel guilty marrying someone not married before. I think my parents should consider marrying me to a divorcee or a widower, so I will not feel bad. What do you think?
Tarnished Lily
Dear Lily,
You are not tarnished at all. Your mother is right; you are a victim and totally innocent and blameless. I can understand your moral dilemma – you don’t want to hide anything but you cannot go against your parents as well. My dear, since you are not at fault, why do you insist on asking for punishment? You have a right to have a good marital life and disclosing this tragedy may endanger your future happiness. Let your parents decide what to do. You should not feel guilty because you were the one who was raped! However, if you think marrying a divorcee or widower will assuage your feelings of guilt, talk to your mother about it. And, do istikhara to seek guidance from Allah. Hopefully things will work out well for you.
Good luck!
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