I am in a fix
Salam Guru,
I am a regular reader of your column. I am a 22-year-old graduate girl. I belong to a middle-class family. I have one older sister, R, and one older brother, T; both are married and are settled in their life. Now, my parents are worried about me. They want to marry me off as quickly as possible. These days they are looking for a suitable boy for me. But Guru, I really like my elder sister R’s brother-in-law, K. He is very good looking, and he is financially stable. Let me tell you that my sister lives in a joint family and whenever I visit her house, K tries to talk to me. We are not having an affair but we kind of like each other. My sister is totally clueless of my feelings for her handsome brother-in-law. K has told me that he can send his parents to our house but there is a problem. Actually, my parents are against the idea of giving two daughters in one family. According to them, it may complicate relationships. I know they will turn down K’s proposal as they have already given their one daughter in his family. Guru, I am in a fix. I really don’t know what do. Though I want to marry K, I am also afraid of my parents. I cannot marry K without their consent. Can you suggest a viable solution?
Girl in Trouble
Dear Girl in Trouble,
Marriage is a big decision in one’s life. It’s ok to tell your parents that you like K, but you have to tackle the situation very sensibly. First of all, you should confide in your sister. She is the one who can actually tell you whether K is a suitable guy for you or not as you don’t really know him, but your sister knows him well. I am sure she will give you the best advice and can also persuade your parents. Then you can give green signal to K to send his proposal. If your parents agree to K’s proposal, well and good. But if they don’t, you have to accept their decision as a good daughter. Since you are not in love with K, I am sure you will get over him in no time. One more thing: if you put yourself in your parents’ shoes, you will realise that they are right in their own way. Sometimes serious troubles arise when two sisters are married to two brothers. Your parents are wise people and they are your well-wishers. I am sure they will choose a wonderful guy for you. Good luck!
Don’t I have a right to be happy?
Dear Guru,
I am a 27-year-old guy. I work in a private company. I belong to a middle-class family and whatever I earn, I give it to my mother who runs the house. My father passed away some four years back and after him, I am the only earning member. I have two younger siblings who go to their respective universities. We have our own house so at least there is no tension of paying the rent plus we get our father’s pension. Guru, I want to settle down now. I really like my colleague F, but when I told my mother that I wanted to get married, she freaked out. According to her, I have so many responsibilities and at this stage I should not think about my own self. I am so upset. F is a sensible girl and she is well aware of my circumstances and is willing to adjust with my family. I am so disappointed with my mother. She does not care about my feelings and only wants me to earn. Don’t I have a right to be happy?
Disheartened Son
Dear Disheartened Son,
Don’t feel dejected, young man. Sometimes human beings become selfish when it comes to their interests, same goes for your mother. She is only concerned about running the house and has become selfish in your case. You are a good son but, at the same time, you also need a partner with whom you can share your sorrows and happiness. I think you should sit with your mother and try to persuade her when she is in a good mood. Tell her that you will continue to carry out your responsibilities even after you get married. Actually, she is afraid of losing you once you get married. But I am sure when she meets F and gets to know her, her apprehensions will be put to rest. Wish you a happy married life ahead. Good luck.
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