First four letters
Once there was a kid named Sam. He woke up early in the morning and got ready for school. At the end of the day, his teacher called him and said, “Your homework is to memorize the first four letters of the alphabet.”
When Sam went home, he asked his mom the first letter of the alphabet. His mom said, “Be quiet” because she was busy cleaning. Then Sam went to his dad and asked him the second letter of the alphabet. The dad replied, “Ya ya ya” because he was talking on the phone. Later, Sam went to his older brother and asked him the third letter of the alphabet. His older brother was reading a comic book and replied, “Superman.” Finally, Sam went to his baby sister and asked her the fourth letter of the alphabet. His baby sister dropped something in the kitchen and so replied “in...the...kitchen....” The next day when Sam went to school, the teacher asked him the first four letters of the alphabet. Sam replied “Be quiet!” The teacher got mad and warned Sam that she will take him to the Principal. And so, Sam said, “Ya ya ya.” The teacher took him to the Principal’s office. The Principal asked Sam what his name was. Sam said “Superman”. The Principal asked him where he lived. Sam replied “in...the...kitchen....”
University announcement
An announcement came over the intercom for the university students: “Will the students who are parked on the wrong side of the parking area please move their cars?”
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the three hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to the class.”
The universal grade change form (Sample)
To: Professor _______________
From: ____________________
I think my grade in your course, ___, should be changed from ___ to ___ for the following reasons:
1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.
2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.
3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won’t get into:
l Medical School
l Graduate School
l Dental School
l The Mickey Mouse Club
l Tri County Tech
4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in ______.
5. I’ll lose my scholarship.
6. I’m on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn’t find a copy of your exam for me.
7. I didn’t come to the class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for in the exam.
8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.
9. I learned all the facts and definitions, but your exams asked about general principles.
10. You are prejudiced against:
l Males
l Blacks
l Females
l Muslims
l Minorities
11. If I flunk out of school, my father will disinherit me or at least cut my allowance.
12. You told us to be creative, but you didn’t tell us exactly how you wanted that done.
13. The lectures were:
l Too detailed to pick out important points.
l Not explained in detail.
l Your class was far too boring.
14. My (dog, cat, little brother) (ate, threw up on) my (book, notes, paper) for this course.
He probably knew it!
A college business professor could not help but notice that one of his students came late to class for the third time that week. Before the class ended, he went around the room asking students some questions about the day’s lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his tardy pupil. “And who was it that developed the theories behind communism?” the professor asked.
“I don’t know,” the student said.
“Perhaps if you had come to the class on time, you would have known,” said the professor.
“That’s not true,” the student replied. “I never pay attention anyway!”
Teacher
shocked,
assistant
rocked!
Teacher shocked, assistant rocked!An English teacher told his students that when pronouncing a word beginning with the letter “H”, they should ignore the “H” as in hour, honour, and honest. That day when leaving for class, he left a note for his assistant: “Please heat rice for me.” When the teacher returned to his office, he met an empty bowl. He asked the assistant, “Where is my food?”
That’s a bold step!
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts. Finally, his exasperated partner said, “What the hell is taking so long? Hit the damn ball!”
The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”
“Give me a break! You cannot hit that far,” said the partner.
The meaning of dreams
A woman was taking an afternoon nap. When she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace. What do you think it means?”
“You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams”.