As a woman, I have always been proud of having the most understanding and the most helpful friends - particularly female friends - throughout my life. I am also one of those lucky individuals who have been able to retain friendships with my childhood friends even after so many years. And, without a shadow of doubt, it’s been a blessing from God to have such understanding and cooperative people in my life. In fact, I can conveniently claim that I have a few friends who have always stood by me through thick and thin. Whenever I turn to them for help or advice, they are always there for me.
Most of my friends have been in touch with me even after being busy with their families or careers. However, I had few friends who I thought would be my friends forever but ever since they have got married, they have been behaving in such an absurd manner that now I have totally given up on them.
In our part of the world, it is not uncommon to witness this sad reality that when a woman gets married, her husband, children and in-laws become the centre of her universe. She usually tends to forget about every other relationship in her life - particularly her friends. Though I agree that this doesn’t hold true all the time, many of us have undergone this experience of losing a dear friend forever just because she got married. As against it, when you see the males in our society, most of them do not let marriage become a hindrance in any relationship.
Most women, once married off, do not seem to be interested in taking time out for their friends on purpose. When you take the issue up to them and whiningly complain that they don’t even think about you, they have all the excuses in the world ready to be thrown at you.
For instance, whenever you make meet-up plans with your married friends, the plan often keeps getting delayed because your married friends are never available due to various reasons. Sometimes the in-laws are not well; sometimes the husband has engagements; sometimes the kids have activities or exams; or the in-laws are coming for a visit, etc. If you try to push them, they make you feel as if you have nothing to do in life.
The saddest part is that you get to see these females having time for all other activities in life, except for giving time to you. For instance, some married friends of mine recently made a one-hour get-together plan but as the day approached, most of them backed off saying they have other engagements. However, the same ladies were spotted shopping crazily at a grand lawn sale which took place in the city the very day. What’s more, the sale started at 11 am in the morning, and three of the friends were already there at the mall - along with their kids!
Similarly, if you ever happen to message them, they hardly ever reply saying that they had been very busy, but at the same time, you find them liking and commenting on useless posts on the social media. And when you take the matter to them, they readily say: “You have no idea about how tough married life is, so please stop whining”.
I think, at the end of the day, it’s all about priorities. In our part of the world, girls are conditioned to believe that once they’re married off, they attain a superior status and their husbands, kids and in-laws are the only important people in their lives. They can take time out for everyone else in the world except their friends because once they’re married the so-called ‘friendship’ also comes to an end because friends are no more ‘needed’ in their lives.
In every other culture of the world, this attitude is not found and people learn to balance all their relationships but in the sub-continental culture, the concept of a married woman having friends is not considered desirable -mostly by the women themselves.
According to a sane person, “One of the reasons why married women do not want to mingle with their old pals is because they are afraid that their single friends might snatch their hubbies away from them. Basically this is their insecurity which obviously they cannot tell on the faces of their single friends so they tend to avoid them.”
To all such women out there who have lost their good friends to marriages, I suggest you don’t feel disheartened because fair-weather friends are not to be considered friends at all. If you are sincere at heart, you will eventually find a sister-like friend who is always there for you -irrespective of her other relationships and duties in life.
And, to all those married women who have abandoned their old friend because they are now married and don’t have time for useless activities (read: contacting old friends), remember that a day will come when your husband, in-laws, sisters, brothers, children, or parents won’t be able to understand your needs or situations. That day, you will eventually need a friend with whom you can share everything without any hesitation or fear. Friends are precious, so learn to cherish them. As goes the saying, “Hold onto your best friend because I bet in an entire lifetime, you won’t find anybody else like them.”