To indulge in appreciation, the possession of the trait of sincerity and its related quality, is a prerequisite. Anybody who appreciates any other person has to firstly jettison himself of any traces of ego, jealousy or envy. The possession and expression of any of these negative traits as an appendage to words of appreciation, renders the appreciation to a falsehood. All of us appreciate, not because, we wish to, but most often do so, for being recognised as good individuals.
The intent is not appreciation of the other, but it is self-glorification. “I was the first to congratulate him/her on passing the exam, interview or finding an attractive employment,” is a remark, we proudly make to each other. This type of appreciation on closer examination makes you realise that it is more an act of self-appreciation. The principal sine quo non for appreciation to have true validity is the presence of sincerity. As a cultural habit we are all Shylocks when it comes to appreciation; extremely miser and completely reticent in conveying recognition. Instead, we are more prone to criticising and finding faults with others; and in doing so personal inadequacies of similar nature are assigned with impudence to the dustbin.
Managers, in utter disregard to the effort that may have gone into the productive output will like a true medical practitioner show his propensity to do a complete dissection, with the sole and singular objective of finding faults, loopholes and errors, of the team members.
Unfortunately, somehow over the last many decades, such characteristic has become part of our nations psyche. We simply love to be critical. We refuse to express words of appreciation. It is not to suggest mankind has been free of this malaise in its persona; so the emphasis in this piece is about, the movement towards being shunned of the trait of appreciation, which is only becoming rapid with galloping speed and determination.
Not saying words of gratitude could be the outcome of a peculiar mindset that shrieks loudly inside a person, that they are entitled to such perks and privileges, for which, when these are given, they have no reason to say “thanks”. We usually take other people’s niceties as granted ----- the underlying belief here is they (others) ought to be nice to me! A small revealing fissure in the personality of your leader, manager or supervisor, is visible, when the first signs of arrogance dawns, where the person (manager) believes that subservience of colleagues to his reasonable and unreasonable demands that usually are anchored in the deep ocean of lunatic idiocracies, is a matter of his/her right.
As I entered into the 20th year of my existence, I found myself working in the west: where the first thing that struck me was the excessive usage of “thanks”, by all and sundry, regardless of the recipient being known or not; everybody would “thank” for the tiniest and simplest of actions- like just giving way to others while alighting or boarding the underground tube / trains was profusely, “thanked”.
Just compare against this with our normal behaviour, how others jostle you backwards, while you are dutifully standing in some queue. And for this behaviour, rarely does anybody ever say, “sorry”. It just doesn’t strike us to “thank” for courtesies and to say “sorry” for our inadequate behaviour. Without a need, I would be recipient to remarks from complete strangers on the streets of Essex, like “Good Morning! What a nice bright sunshine today? Have a good day”. A matter of culture, education, training and basic human decency.
We must appreciate without seeking reciprocity. That’s possible if we can transcend ourselves beyond the dictates of our nose. Showing gratitude and thankfulness should be the creed of any organisational culture.
A repetitive expression of gratitude for the same issue/ project or outcome, may lead to lessening of its positive impact upon the recipient. So, while it is good to appreciate quality output, but never over-do it; as in economics, so in everyday life, excessive supply and low demand, diminishes the value of the commodity or trust. A balanced approach should be adopted.
The manifestation of appreciation of a colleague can take several forms and dimensions; there are occasions when colleagues float on cloud nine, if their efforts are recognised on the shop floor, within full visibility and audibility of several colleagues; there are some who only subscribe and believe that appreciation is always equal to the credit entry in his/her bank account, and there is a also that class, who desire both!
The consistent application of graceful demeanour by colleagues is also taken mostly as granted, because it gets inbuilt into the culture of the entity, hence that’s the least expectation. However, when an individual is taken for granted, it hurts. Such feeling pervades the hierarchies of all organisations; in some blatantly more; in some in a subdued manner. An efficient worker, thanked once, for his good work will require over a period of time that the “thanks” is backed up by solid, visible and tangible recognition. This may come in form of either better monetary rewards or scaling of the corporate ladder, or a combination of both. Failure to back up with action all acts of appreciation, are ultimately consigned to the dustbin of forgotten memories. Never as supervisor or otherwise, take colleagues or others, for granted.
How many times, when we enjoy a bite of a cookie, do we think of the hard work of the baker? Possibly never! Taken for granted! I recall a senior management meeting we were having in London, when out of nowhere, came a thunderbolt of a question from the president of the institution, for the audience; he asked, “I want to know how many of you (married ones, only!) thanked your better-half (or other half, if the relationship is not warm), when they served you coffee at breakfast today?” There was pin-drop silence; failure to get voluntary response, he (president) started to randomly pick a person, from the audience to get an answer.
By and large, most said, they did not express a thank you; and those who said they did, were visibly doubted by the rest for their truthfulness. The president then spent a few minutes on the need to convey appreciation to those who deserve, for the work or service, they undertake. In a lighter vein he said, “I now know why most of you don’t thank the tea-lady at the office!” He concluded by remarking that those who would appreciate at home will have no difficulty to appreciate colleagues at workplace. That is so true. Voltaire validates this, “By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property.”
Most colleagues are insatiably hungry for words of appreciation; if that be the case, there is only good worth to say those words or sentences of similar import, rather than hoard them all inside, as supervisors of people. A colleague who experiences that his supervisor through the vehicle of appreciations is making him do wonders must bear in mind the African proverb, “the one who is carried on another’s back does not have to appreciate how far is the destined success”.
The giver of appreciation may forget his act the very next minute, but the recipient is likely to retain and recall it for a life time. Use appreciation as a tool of motivation for those colleagues who desire, “appreciation”; otherwise it is as futile as playing the harp to the buffalo or the deaf.
When I am down in the dumps, which is rare, but deadly when it does happen, I remind myself of Cicero’s words, “A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all virtues”. An inner reservoir of thankfulness would never let the streams of negativity flow in its direction: these will be recognised and rejected. Should this were not to happen then the deluge of negative emotions would entomb, all privileges of joy, satisfaction and happiness. A habit to undertake is to rejoice on what you can give to others and grieve not on what others possess.
Appreciation should be a habit or to steal and amend from the tag line of a famous wristwatch brand advertisement, “appreciation should be an attitude”.
With apologies to the Bard, William Shakespeare, I alter his lines from the Winter’s Tale, “One good appreciation dying tongue less; slaughter’s a thousand waiting upon it.”
The writer is a banker and freelance contributor