Am I unlucky?
Salam Guru,
I am a 21-year-old girl. I am a regular reader of your column. I belong to a middle-class family. I have two older siblings. I am studying in B.A (final year). When I was born, my dad lost his job so my grandmother instantly labelled as ‘unlucky’ for my family (though my father got another good job after some time). When I was five years old, my grandfather passed away, again my grandmother blamed me for his death. When I was 12, we had a terrible road accident, luckily we all survived but once again I had to face the wrath of my grandmother. She never treated me fairly. Whenever something bad happens to the family, I am held responsible for the misery.
Last year, I got engaged to a very handsome guy, A. We both were very happy. I was supposed to get married in January this year, but unfortunately A’s father died because of heart attack so we had to postpone the wedding. Now it is decided that the wedding will take place in September and it’s going to be an intimate affair keeping the current situation in mind. But Guru, I am very apprehensive. God forbid what if something bad again happens? When I shared my fears with A, he said I don’t need to worry about anything. It’s all up to God. Guru, I am very scared. I am somehow convinced that I am unlucky. Am I?
Frightened Girl
Dear Frightened Girl,
I feel so sad when I read letters like yours. Despite living in the 21st Century, some of our elders still live in the Dark Ages. I am sorry to say but your grandmother’s thoughts are very conservative and vicious at the same time. It also shows her weak belief system. How can you blame someone for any misfortune? Forget your grandmother; I cannot entirely blame her as she was conditioned to think in a certain way. I am amazed at your parents’ callous attitude, who despite being educated do not understand their daughter’s feelings. There is nothing wrong with you, dear girl. You are as normal as others. Whatever happened, happened because it was meant to happen. And you had no role to play in it. People die as there is a time for them to go up. It’s a natural cycle. You do not have to feel guilty about anything. And, mind you, you are not at all an unlucky girl. It’s how you look at things. Yes, A is right, it’s all God’s will and we, human beings, have to keep our faith intact. Thank God you are getting married to an enlightened guy. So, just throw away all your negative thoughts from your mind and start preparing for your wedding. Wish you a happy married life ahead. Good luck!
She is not my type
Dear Guru,
I am a 26-year-old guy. I belong to a well-off family. My father is a businessman. After my graduation, he sent me abroad for higher studies and I came back last after doing my MBA from a reputed university. Now I am helping my father with his family business. My mother selected a very pretty girl, F, for me from a middle-class family. I liked her so I said yes. I am now engaged to F but after few meetings with her I have realized that she is not my type. I am very modern whereas she is quite conservative. She is very nice otherwise but I am not too happy. I like bold girls who wear western clothes whereas F is very simple. I am having second thoughts. What should I do?
Confused Guy
Dear Confused Guy,
I don’t understand your problem, young man. Were you sleeping when you were getting engaged? What were you expecting from her? Your mother did not force you to say yes. She only selected a girl for you and she proceeded when you said yes after seeing her. Dear, normally middle-class girls tend to be shy and are not very modern but if you want her to look stylish then sort it out with her. Maybe she will not mind wearing western clothes once she gets married. Mind you, appearances can be changed but what matters in the long run is one’s nature and mind. Try to read her thoughts. If you feel she has good thoughts then don’t break this engagement simply because she is not your type or, in other words, modern. She can always update her looks but your real catch will be a good-natured wife. The rest is up to you. Good luck!
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