US Desk
July 03, 2020

Guru, now that I am financially stable, I want to settle down but my mother is not interested in my marriage....

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I don’t want to die as a bachelor

Salam Guru,

I am a 32-year-old, single man. I work in an insurance company and draw a decent salary. I belong to a middle-class family. I was only 10, and my younger sister just three years old when our father passed away. My mother raised us singlehandedly, and with much affection. Our father left us a good fortune, so financially it wasn’t a burden on our mother. She used to teach in a school and we lived in a family house, so we had a good life and education. Now, she has left teaching and stays at home, and I run the house. Guru, now that I am financially stable, I want to settle down but my mother is not interested in my marriage. She never shows any enthusiasm if I bring up my marriage and tries to avoid the subject. Actually, she is very insecure. She feels that if I get married, I will give away all my salary to my wife. Well, this is not true. I love my mother and truly respect her, but I also want a life partner. Guru, I really like my colleague, M. She is very pretty and sensible. We have been seeing each other for five years and now her parents are pressurizing her to get married. M is asking me when I will send my mother to her house. Guru, I am in a fix. I want to marry M but don’t know how to persuade my mom. I don’t want to offend her. My younger sister got married last year. I don’t understand why my mother is delaying my marriage. I don’t want to die as a bachelor. Please help.

Mr. Bachelor

Dear Mr. Bachelor,

Your mother must be very young at the time of your father’s death. She raised the two of you singlehandedly and that’s commendable on her part. Had she wanted, she could have gotten married again easily, but she chose to remain single to give her children a tension free life. Now, she is at an age where she is afraid of losing you. She knew that her daughter would go away one day so she was mentally prepared for that but since you are her only son, she feels possessive about you. You are right, she is apprehensive of your future wife. Now, you have to deal with your mother very tactfully. It’s good that you do not want to upset her but at the same time she needs to understand that you have your life, too, and it is your right to get married. I think it’s about time you talk to your mother without being rude to her. You are already 32 and when you have a girl in mind, there is no point wasting any more time. Do one thing, bring a very nice gift for your mom, order good food, create a happy environment and then talk to her about your marriage. I am sure she will have no other option but to say yes. Take your sister in confidence. I am sure she will be able to persuade her too. Good luck!

I am not fair

Dear Guru,

I am an 18-year-old college going girl. My problem is related to my elder sister Z, who is 22 years old. Z is very pretty and fair and everyone likes her. She is already engaged and going to get married next year. Her fiancé is a doctor in USA. My problem is that I am not that fair. My sister had been getting proposals since she was 15 and I haven’t got a single proposal. My friends say that I am very attractive, but I don’t believe them as not a single boy has ever approached me. Guru, I am very upset. Is there anything lacking in me? Should I start using fairness creams? I also want to be like my sister. Please help.

Brown Girl

Dear Brown Girl,

Come on, young girl, come out of this colour complex and look at the world with an open mind. You are a pretty girl and there is nothing wrong with you. Don’t even think of using fairness creams. They are not good, and don’t compare yourself with your sister. So what if she is fair? Wheatish complexion is attractive, too. And don’t judge by the number of proposals she got. That’s her luck. You are only 18; you shouldn’t worry about getting proposals at this age. You should concentrate on your studies. You may get a much better partner than your sister. So, enjoy your carefree days. Good luck!

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