An Uber is cruising down a boulevard when it runs a red light. “Hey!” the passenger shouts. “Be careful!”
“Don’t worry,” says the driver. “My brother does it all the time.”
He barrels through the next red light, and the passenger screams, “Stop doing that!”
“I’m telling you, my brother does this all the time.”
They approach the next light. Just when it turns green, the driver slams on the brakes. The confused passenger asks, “You just ran two red lights; why’d you stop at a green?”
“I had to,” says the driver. “My brother might have been coming.”
The smiling husband said, “I bet you say that to all new parents.”
“No,” she replied, “just to those whose babies really are good-looking.”
The husband again asked “So what do you say to the others?”
The nurse replied, “The baby looks just like you.”
It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn’t at work anymore!
Is probably going off duty.