She is too demanding
Salam Guru,
I am a 26-year banker. I belong to a well-to-do family. I have been in love with a very pretty girl, F, for the last five years. She is 23 years old and is a graduate. I managed to get engaged to her about six months back, despite tough resistance from my family. Actually, F is from a middle class family and my mother thought that she would not adjust well in our setup. Anyway, I persuaded my mother to ignore the class difference and succeeded in winning my case. We are supposed to get married in the first week of January, 2020. These days wedding preparations are in full swing. Since we are well off, we are in a position to have a lavish wedding. But, of late, I have been noticing that F’s demands are getting higher and higher. Whenever we go for shopping, she wants everything pricy whether it’s clothes or accessories and does not seem to settle for less than anything designer. Now F wants to wear a known designer’s bridal jora on her big day which is way too expensive. I told her to buy something else but she is adamant about buying that one only. Guru, I don’t mind shopping for her but I have a budget, too. She has also told me that she wants to go to Europe for our honeymoon. Guru, I am well-settled but not rich enough to meet all her demands. I cannot step back now as she is my own choice. I wish I had listened to my mom. I am having second thoughts. If F continues to behave in a similar fashion after marriage, I will be broke soon. I feel sort of embarrassed in talking to her. I am in a dilemma.
Guy in Quandary
Dear Guy in Quandary,
I can understand your dilemma. You are facing a tricky situation. If you step back, your family will get a chance to ridicule you and if you keep on spending like this, you will be bankrupt soon. Now, you must review the whole scenario over with a cool mind. Actually, here I blame you for giving a free hand to your fiancée. She may be under the impression that you are a very rich guy and can buy anything for her. Secondly, since she is not from an affluent family, this kind of exposure must be overwhelming for her. May be this is the first time she is getting a chance to do designer shopping. May be she just wants to impress her family and friends. Unless you sit and talk to her, you won’t be able to reach a logical conclusion. Tell her that she should slow down. Tell her frankly what you can easily afford and what you can’t. There is nothing to feel embarrassed about. You two are going to tie the knot soon. It’s better to clear things now before they get out of hands. Don’t make any false promises. If you cannot afford a trip to Europe, tell her now. If she really loves you, she will listen to you. Don’t worry, it’s not a big issue. You just need to be a little firm and things can be sorted out. Wish you a happy married life. Good luck!
I want to marry my friend’s widow
Dear Guru,
I am a 28-year-old guy. I work in a multi-national company and want to settle down. Actually, I like a girl, M. She is 25 years old. But the only problem is that she is a widow. M was the wife of my best friend who unfortunately died in a car accident last year. She was only married for a year. She is still so young and pretty. These days my mother is looking for a suitable girl for me, but I want to marry M. I want to give her all the happiness in life and I cannot see her in distress. But it seems unlikely that my mom will accept her. How can I persuade my mom?
N.S
Dear N.S
It’s such a good thing that you want to marry your best friend’s widow and want to give her a new life. I respect you so much for your noble thoughts. Our religion also encourages young widows’ re-marriage. But have you shared your feelings with M? I advise you to talk to M first before sending your proposal. Yes, it can be challenging for you to persuade your mom, but I am sure she will come round when she sees your determination and persistence. Good luck!
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