I am scared of my stepfather
Salam Guru,
I am a regular reader of your column and I really like your liberal approach of tackling teenage problems. I am an 18-year-old girl. I am a student of second year and studying in a prestigious college. I am a product of broken family. My mother took divorce from my father when I was only five. Then she got married to a very rich guy, F. She took my custody from my father as at that time he was broke and couldn’t afford to keep me. I have been raised amidst all the luxuries of life sans love and affection. After her second marriage, my mother gave birth to two more children and she got busy with them and totally forgot about me. She thought that good food and education would be enough for me. Guru, all my life I have been longing for love and care but of late my stepfather has started noticing me in a wired way, which is scary. He never paid attention to me when I was a kid but now he is being extra sweet and generous with me. Somehow I don’t get good vibes from him, I feel very uncomfortable when he holds my hand or hugs me. My mother is very happy that finally her husband is giving me fatherly love. How can I tell her that this is not fatherly love? I don’t trust my stepfather. I don’t know how to deal with this awkward situation. I am in touch with my real father. He is now financially stable but he is also married with his own children. He wants me to stay with him, but I don’t want to face my stepmom. I am in a dilemma.
Petrified Girl
Dear Petrified Girl,
This is so sad. Your mother is oblivious of her husband’s intentions as she blindly trusts him, but instead of worrying, you should talk to your mother and tell her frankly how you feel about this whole issue. If she doesn’t listen to you then you have to take necessary steps in order to protect yourself from impending danger. Start avoiding going out with your stepfather unnecessarily and don’t go out anywhere with him ALONE. Don’t be with him alone. In family sittings, try to sit on another chair or sofa so that he doesn’t get a chance to touch you. At night, make sure that you have locked your room. Having said that, I genuinely advice you to go to your father’s house. Talk to him about moving to his place. I know your mother will create a lot of fuss but you have to be firm. You are 18 and now it’s your discretion whether you want to live with her or with your father. I know, it will not easy for you to adjust with your step mom and children but then at least you will be able to live in peace without worrying about being harmed by your stepfather. Good luck!
I want to study further
Dear Guru,
I am a 16-year-old boy. I belong to a lower middle family. I am in class X in a private school. I happen to be a bright student but chances are, I may not be able to continue my education after matric due to financial reasons. I have four younger siblings. My father is a shopkeeper and he wants me to sit with him at the shop. Since he is not educated himself, he is not bothered about my studies. He is very conservative and stubborn at the same time. He says that there are no jobs in the market so it’s better if I start earning from now. Guru, I am keen to learn and study further. How can I persuade my father?
Dedicated Boy
Dear Dedicated Boy,
It’s really good to know that you are keen to learn and study further. Your father may be justified as he is talking from his experience but he has no idea how important education is in one’s development. Since he does not understand the value of education he is not interested in yours, too. But you should not lose heart. Don’t leave your studies. Talk to your father firmly and tell him that you will sit at his shop only on one condition i.e. when he gives you permission to take admission in college. See, you can go to college in mornings and can sit at shop in evenings. And you can take your books along and can study in your free time. I hope your father will agree to this settlement. Good luck!
Kindly send your problems at: trustusproblemsyahoo.com