Confidential
Dear Hopeless Girl,
My dear girl, don’t take it so hard. To err is human and we all make mistakes. You don’t need to feel so guilty. Things happen and sometimes you even hide things from your dear ones, for one reason or another, but it does not mean you are cheating on them. I understand, you did not do anything to hurt V intentionally. You have realised your mistake and you have tried your best to reconcile with him. But it looks like V is not in the mood to forgive you. It is very clear that he does not want to remain friends with you and trust you again. There is no point going after him, you are only losing your self-respect by doing this. He will come back to you if he wants to; otherwise, you just cannot force him to be your friend. If he needs space, just leave him alone. Instead of feeling depressed or guilty, I suggest you give him time. Believe me; you will get over him in few months’ time. You are only 16 and there is a long life ahead of you. You never know who will come next into your life. Good luck!
I am apprehensive of my in-laws
Salaam Guru,
I am a 22-year-old girl. I graduated last year from a renowned Art school in Karachi. I belong to a well-to-do and modern family. My father is a film maker and my mother is an artist. My parents are quite liberal and I have been brought up in an open and friendly environment. Since I am the only child, I am very pampered by my parents. However, unlike my talented parents, I am not keen about making my career; instead, I want to get married to F with whom I have been in love since my college days. My boy friend F, who is 23 years old, is a born artist. He got first position in his last semester. He makes exceptionally good paintings and I am very fond of him. He has got an excellent offer from an advertising company. I have introduced F to my family and they seem to like him. F’s parents have no objection to our marriage and soon our wedding date will be announced. Guru, I am so happy that I am tying the knot with my darling but the problem is that F belongs to a middle class family and lives in a small house. He has four other siblings. And after marriage, I will have to live in a joint family. Guru, I cannot imagine myself sharing my life with so many people. I have heard so many horror stories about cruel in-laws that I am afraid of living with my in-laws. I want to have a separate home before I get married. When I shared my feelings with F, he really got disturbed. According to him, he has just started his career and cannot afford a separate house at this stage. Then he also wants to support his family. Well, apparently my in-laws look like reasonable people but my friends are saying that I should pressurize F from the beginning or else I will have to suffer. My parents asked F to move to their house after marriage, but F categorically said no. Now, there is an unknown tension between us on this subject. What should I do?
Anxious Bride
Dear Anxious Bride,
In our society, joint family system is a norm. Usually girls, when they get married, spend the initial years of their marriage with their in-laws and get separated eventually when space or other issues arise. Well, you cannot say that all in-laws are bad or evil. Some girls stay very happy in a joint family and some get tough times from their in-laws. It actually depends on the type of people you are dealing with and how accommodating you are. I know it won’t be easy for you to adjust in a new environment considering your background, but it’s not an impossible task. I don’t think F will ever agree to become a ‘ghar dammad’ as it will hurt his ego. If you really love F then you have to make few compromises and I see no harm in it. Don’t believe all the horror stories about in-laws. As I said earlier, not all in-laws are the same. Try to start your life with an open heart and mind. Don’t see your in-laws as evil; try to look at them as normal people. You only get to know them when you start living with them. So, don’t form an opinion beforehand. I am sure you will not regret your decision. You are lucky that you are marrying the love of your life, but you need to understand his situation, too. He is right; he cannot afford a separate home right now. Be patient, you will get your own space eventually. Good luck!
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