Dear Nadine Khan,
I am a 66-year-old married woman with grown-up children. My two married sons live with my husband and me, and since I have good daughters-in-law, so life had been good till my husband has became weird. He is about 70 years old, and at his age he should just spend his free hours in prayers and good works, but he has started doing stupid things. Three maids left in the last five months complaining about his behaviour. I confronted him and he did not deny that he touched them inappropriately, but he said he cannot help himself. He also said that he just wanted to have some good time, and had no intention of going further. I decided to engage male servants, but my sons wouldn’t have it. They say they have young wives and they cannot take any risks with the situation the way it is nowadays. I tried a middle-aged maid, but my husband couldn’t keep his hands to himself. I am so frustrated with this situation! Our house is big and we need maids to run it, but due to my husband’s irresponsible behaviour I am in a fix. The amount of work that I have to do is too much for me at my age. My daughters-in-law have their children to look after, so I can’t expect any help from them. I am losing my health, too, after having lost my peace of mind. What should I do?
Dejected Wife
Dear Dejected Wife,
Some men totally lose it when they are 60 or above, and your husband seems to belong to that category. Men and women are different physically; as a woman gets older, hormonal changes kick in and she often tends to avoid her husband’s attention. Men have no such issues, and have problems when this happens with their wives, so that is probably the problem with your husband. The only thing that is encouraging is that he has admitted to his transgressions, and expressed his helplessness in restraining his inclinations. This implies that he wants to curb his instincts, but cannot quite do it. Ask him to see a psychiatrist and hopefully he will get the help he requires. Point out how awkward it would be for him if his sons and daughters-in-law get to hear about his misdeeds. Hopefully that might make him consult a psychiatrist. As for your problem with household help, you can only make sure that you don’t leave your husband alone with the maids, or ask your sons to make their own arrangements for domestic help, so you can engage male help. If you separate their portions in the house, this could work out. Good luck!